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3/16/12

Barack Obama's Diary

Dear Diary:  I  called Hamid in Afghanistan today to ingratiate myself  congratulate him and his wife on the birth  of their new baby.  Instead of a thank-you for my thoughtfulness, I got an earful  from Hamid about our military not keeping him fully informed about the inquiry into the   village shooting incident. I asked him if he had been correctly reported  as saying that  wanted  NATO troops withdrawn immediately from Afghan villages. He said: "Yes I did." Awkwaaard... Dude will be  here for a NATO conference in May. Maybe I should fly him to a basketball game in Airforce One. Like I did with  David Cameron. Worked wonders with Cameron who mostly travels  by commercial airline, poor guy... Cameron showered me praise at the state dinner  for  my " beautiful words".  My words often are beautiful,  if  I can  I say that myself. And I can.  


Where was I? Oh yes, how to  impress Hamid Karzai.  If a flight in  Airforce One can reduce a British Prime minister  to a quivering  ass-kissing  bowl of Jello what might it do to a President who is normally chauffered in a goat cart?   [Note to self: ask Valerie Jarrett to set up  an AF1 flight somewhere.] As for Hamid, long story short, he wants us out of Afghanistan quicker than I  remember not to say "Jeremiah Wright."  Scary situation. Talking of scary,  after the  wonderful food at the State Dinner, the duchess of peas has got me back on a diet of rabbit food.  She's calling me  to bed now. Better shut the laptop, say a quick prayer to myself. And so to bed.