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5/29/12

Barack Obama's Diary

Dear Diary. A good day, in which The New York Times  portrayed me as a bold and fearless leader  who insists on being at the helm of  the process which  decides  whom the CIA will take out with drones and Hellfire missiles. Yes, I am indeed such a decisive leader and history will remember me as such. I  predict  I will eventually  appear on Mount Rushmore if there's still a vacant section of rock face wide enough to accommodate my magnificent ears. When it comes to taking out Al Qaeda I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds. 
Talking about destroyers of worlds, Joe Biden has taken the week off, which is a huge relief: I won't suddenly have to come out in support of  humans marrying penguins or something equally bizarre [you never know with Joe]. 
I presented Medal of Freedom Awards today and the Poles took exception to the fact that I referred to Polish death camps rather than ' Nazi death camps in occupied Poland.' What's wrong with these people? I know all about  the start of WW2 and that British dude Churchill who  predicted  'peace in our time.' before  the Spanish invaded Austria. I had that loser's bust removed from the Oval Office  when I moved in and had it returned to the British embassy. Those strange Brits took umbrage  at this for no sane reason-- heck they  the got the  daggone bust back didn't they?
M. is in New York promoting her veggie book, so I am going to bed early without needing to tuck her in as I usually do.  Boo-boo, my blankey, awaits and his caress will keep away the scary monsters hiding under the presidential Tempurpedic. It beats me how such huge, terrifying monsters  manage to squeeze  in there.  Barry luv Boo-boo um-num-num-um...zzzzzzz...