Barack Obama's Diary

 Scary Putin breaks the surface

Dear Diary: I wrote here yesterday that I would get back at Vlad Putin for mocking me. And so I did.  Today I decisively approached the British  PM  David Cameron here in Los Cabos  and begged  directed  him to  get the British insurers to  cancel coverage  of the Russian  ship carrying attack helicopters to Syria. Under  my decisive direction Cameron did  this and as as a direct  result of my actions  the ship now cannot enter any port.  Los Cabos has extensive swimming pools and I ventured forth to them knowing that I would find Vlad  waist-deep in the water at the pool's edge, in front of a battery of  cameras, stomach sucked in, chest puffed out.  I sat  down at the side of the pool, my feet in the water. "Good day, Obaba, " he said. " Yes,  it is  indeed a good day, Vlad,"  I replied, with a sly smile, "under  my direction the British have stopped your shipload of attack helicopters bound for  Syria."   His eyes narrowed and he ducked beneath the surface to escape my withering gaze. I barely had time to enjoy my moment of victory, when both my ankles were seized in a vise-like grip and I was pulled suddenly and  viciously into the water. One of my  Secret Service agents  plunged fully-clothed into the pool beside me. Putin broke the surface of the water and said:   "Obaba, you're  a pathetic wuss," and swam powerfully  away.
I waved my fist at him. " Damn you, Putin !" I yelled. " Now you've really got my dander up.'" His face turned pale with fear. 
Later, after an hour-long speech, I  persuaded the Europeans to agree to give more financial aid to Spain and Italy. Afterwards  I overheard Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, say to  Francois Hollande of France: "It was well worth a  couple of billion Euros just to make him stop." The ingratitude! You could have knocked me over with a feather. I ate some mango and ceviche then made my excuses and left before Putin could bait me again.
Well, it's sleepy time now and I am about to climb into bed, there to cuddle Boo-boo my blankey. Barry luv Boo-boo um-num-num-um ...zzzzzzz...