Dear Diary: Aaaauugh! Everyone is putting pressure on me. Mitt is pushing back hard on our accusations about Bain Capital. Bashar Assad is scaring the hell out of the Pentagon and Isreal, [misspelled in one of my campaign leaflets so I'm sticking with it] by moving his chemical weapons out of storage. Vlad The Impaler [scary man] is moving warships into the Eastern Mediterranean. And, of course, Iran is still threatening to close the Straits of Hormuz. Yikes. With all this going on, how's a guy supposed to spend the week campaigning and still have time for a round of golf? And another thing: reporters are suggesting that some 20 people fainted during my speech in Roanoke, Virginia, yesterday evening. Fainted? They were simply overcome by my mellifluous words and handsome presence. Today, being Saturday, I shall grant myself the pleasure of an afternoon nap on the Presidentopedic. Here's my blankey, Boo-boo. Barry luv Boo-boo... um-num-num-um ...zzzzz...