Dear Diary: Mitt is outraising my campaign with disturbing speed despite his gaffe-tastic foreign tour. Today I decided to make a public contribution to my campaign of $5,000 from my meagre millions, which is almost as much as Michelle spent on her last new blouse. Nobody can now say we aren't fully committed to winning this election. Syria is still simmering, but Hillary has restrained herself admirably from making gleeful 3am phone calls about it. I am strangely exhausted from a day of doing nothing much but a photo-op of my generous online contribution to my majestic self. I am clearly exhausted by weeks of fundraising and switching Vlad and Bibi through to voice mail. Boo-boo my blankey awaits under the pillows of the the Presidentopedic. Time for beddy-byes. Auugh! Is that Mitt I see before me with a blood-drenched dagger pointed at my heart? No, it's just the daggone dog with his tongue hanging out. Now for sleep...Barry luv Boo-boo um-num-num-um...zzzzz...