Dear Journal: This is Joe Biden. At least I think it is. Well... that's who I was this morning, and it's what the business cards alongside the Crest Whitening Strips in my wallet, say. They also say I'm a Vice President ... that's impressive... VP of Sales maybe? Didn't little Joey of Scranton do well! And who's this whack-job named O'Bama who keeps texting me on my smartphone asking where I am. Is he Irish? Am I? And who are these guys in dark suits and shades who are following me everywhere while talking into their wrists? They call me 'Sir' and they bundle me in and out of a humongous black Cadillac limo, with ultra-thick windows, which they refer to as 'The Beast'. Or maybe it's me they're taking about. It's all highly mysterious. But I'm like a bloodhound following a fresh scent and I will keep this as a journal of record and update it as the mystery unfolds.