Dear Diary: I constantly amaze myself with my sheer brilliance. I eschew personal security briefings and prefer to read a written report. That way I don't have to waste time asking questions to which I already know the answers, just to satisfy the demands of politeness. There were hoax bomb alerts all from over the country today and my staff were suggesting that the nation might benefit from reassurrance from me, but since I don't know what the heck's going on myself and haven't explored it in depth at Presidential briefings, I would just be going through the motions and be accused again of a perfunctory and mechanical delivery. Lose. Lose.