Dear Diary: I delivered a captivating speech to the UN this morning. I told them that we are held together by our common hopes. That will have put Mahmoud Ahmadillo --or whatever that disagreeable midget calls himself -- in a mood of love for his fellow Man. He will return to Iran and immediately order an end to development of nuclear weapons. When disarmed by my appeasement and irrefutable logic, hordes of murderous rioters invariably lay down their arms unless it's night-time in Benghazi . No-one is immune to my soaring rhetoric. Having told the leaders of the world how to solve their problems, I went to the Sheraton to address a meeting of Bill Clinton's Global Initiative. This leadership thing is easy once you get the hang of it. The trick is to remain at the rear and direct everyone from there, out of harm's way.