Dear Diary: A pox upon mine enemies. SuperMitt, having beaten me to the cameras in Louisibana, has now pulled ahead of me in two polls, leaving my majestic self looking flat-footed. But, never fear, my loyal subjects, my shining hours are coming as the masses gather in Charlotte next week to pay homage to my majestic presidency. No empty chair representing me this time, but a massive sand sculpture fit for a king. And now more good news has arrived: the Occupy movement, those exemplary young people, politically insightful, considerate, tidy and quiet, will be camping in a city square singing my praises.
Meantime, I am thinking up some memorable slogans for the convention, for example: "Ask not how you can work for welfare; ask how welfare can work for you." And "With friends like Iran who needs Israel." Pretty darn good, if I may say so myself and I do.
Those pesky Israelis are still sabre-rattling. I told Bibi: "Back at you, Netanyahu. There's plenty more time for sanctions to work. Those incoming Iranian missiles we've seen on our X-band radar will take a while to reach you and besides, with the lack of space in Tel Aviv, you will be pleased to have some new parking lots. Bibi? Bibi?" That impertinent man had hung up on me again.
Auugh! And now I'm told that "rain" has damaged the magnificent sand sculpture of me in Charlotte. [Note to self: Tell Eric Holder to order a review of security camera recordings to see if Clint Eastwood was in the area with a bucket of water]
Meantime, I am thinking up some memorable slogans for the convention, for example: "Ask not how you can work for welfare; ask how welfare can work for you." And "With friends like Iran who needs Israel." Pretty darn good, if I may say so myself and I do.
Those pesky Israelis are still sabre-rattling. I told Bibi: "Back at you, Netanyahu. There's plenty more time for sanctions to work. Those incoming Iranian missiles we've seen on our X-band radar will take a while to reach you and besides, with the lack of space in Tel Aviv, you will be pleased to have some new parking lots. Bibi? Bibi?" That impertinent man had hung up on me again.
Auugh! And now I'm told that "rain" has damaged the magnificent sand sculpture of me in Charlotte. [Note to self: Tell Eric Holder to order a review of security camera recordings to see if Clint Eastwood was in the area with a bucket of water]