Dear Diary: Awkwaard. That's been the theme of my visit to South Africa so far. We met with President Zuma for lunch. "Mr President, I said, "this my wife Michelle." He shook her hand, put a hand behind my back and led me onwards to a matronly woman standing near him. ""This is my wife Nompumelelo," he said. I shook her hand. "Pleased to meet you ma'am," I smiled. Zuma walked onward to another-- younger-- woman. "This my wife Thobeka," he continued. This was getting weeeiird. He presented me to another--even younger-- woman. "This is my wife Nkosazana," he said. I tried to move onward. But Zuma stopped me. "Wait! There's more," he said. "This is my wife Gertrude, and, finally, Gloria." "Pleased to meet you, Finally Gloria" I said. After the meal I delivered a speech about the need for equal treatment for all and then resumed my seat next to Zuma. "Good advice," he said " I strive to treat my wives equally". This afternoon we drove to Johannesburg in The Beast. In case of wandering tigers, my Secret service detail had sniper rifles at the ready. But danger did not arise from wild beasts. But, augggh, from students at the University of Johannesburg who-- far from celebrating my awesomeness-- were protesting the killing of innocents by drones, by marching with posters of my face with a Hitler mustache. Outrageous! But enough about me. [Thanks: SVW]