Dear Diary: This has already been an amazing Christmas Day here in Honolulu. Malia and Sasha joined forces to give me the perfect gift, a leather-encased mirror inscribed "Who's the smartest guy on the planet? Open this and gaze upon the reflection." Among other gifts lined up for me was a mysterious envelope. Inside was a card that read: " Hej! How are you? It's me, handsome. Let's get together for a State visit: your place or mine." It was from none other than Helle Thorning-Schmidt, the seductive Prime Minister of Denmark. I quickly slipped her card and selfie into the pocket of my bathrobe, lest Michelle see it and sentence Me to another week in purgatory. But enough about Me.