Dear Diary: I have been congratulating myself on the way I have been handling Putin's requests for our hi-tech bomb detectors, for the Sochi Olympics. I hadn't responded by breakfast today, so I was not surprised to hear the familiar harmonies of the Moscow Steel Foundry Male-Voice Choir issuing from my iPresidentophone as I raised my cereal bowl to my lips and drank the left-over milk. [Michelle hates when I do this] "Hello Vlad," I said, after blotting my lips with a fine linen napkin. "Good day, Obamavich, where are those bomb detectors I asked you for?"I regret that I was a little hasty in agreeing to send them," I replied, "the Pentagon doesn't want them reverse-engineered by you guys."
"You have two very nice warships, in the Black Sea," said Vlad."By coincidence we have several hunter-killer submarines there also.We don't want a nasty accident, do we, Obamavich?"
"I'll ask permission from Valerie Jarrett, phone the Pentagon, then get back to you." Scary man, that Vlad, thank goodness I'm always a step ahead of him. But enough about me.