Dear Diary: What a fuss about nothing this Ebola business has been. I've appointed the czar that some were demanding, but now they are unhappy that he won't be taking on his duties for several months. So what's the hurry? Folks have had the benefit of my thoughts on the dangers of riding the bus: don't ride a bus. You're scared of going on a cruise? Duh. Don't go. Do as I do. Take a 747 and a helicopter to Martha's Vineyard and bring a couple quarts of hand sanitizer to slather on after shaking hands with the insanitary masses at The Black Dog Cafe. But enough about me.