I was eating my accustomed bowl of Froot Loops this morning when I heard a familiar voice: "Good morning, Obamavitch!" I was incredulous as I had switched off my iPresidentophone to avoid Putin disturbin' my breakfast. Then I realized: The voice,was coming, not from my phone, but from my computer. "We have penetrated your private White House network, Obamavitch. You are now accessible to us 24/7. How do you like dem apples? Dem apples...gedddit?" Piss off Putin!" I said pleasantly, as I scooped up a final mouthful of cereal and 2% milk. But enough about me.