The flying Diary of Donald J.Trump

Dictated aboard my  Boeing 757: My threatened boycott of the Iowa debate was a masterstroke, more effective than even I had dreamed  it would be.  Now all eyes are on me, me, me. and even the unions are reportey fearful that I will draw some of their membership into my hungry maw.  The Granite state has crowned me king of the GOP
Let trumpets sound! I am White House bound!

Cartoon: Nate Beeler

Nanny Bloomberg 'has billion-dollar war chest'

The multi-billionaire  is reportedly ready to spend  $1 billion on  a presidential bid.  [More]

Stars protest lack of black Dungie nominees

The Academy of Dung Beetles has resolved to diversify its membership  immediately, in the wake of protests over the all-white list of nominees for the 1915  Dung Beetle Awards.  "The fact is, there are only so may slots and very few white dung beetles," said Academy spokesbeetle, Scarab Roller.

Clinton Chronicles: Double, double, toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble

Yikes!  I am reminded of my role as Third Witch in my  high-school's production of Macbeth. As if Bernie Sanders weren't trouble enough...Something wicked this way comes: Sarah Palin is now endorsing Trump.

Barack Obama's Diary: OK mate, you can have a few bloody minutes of my time

I have a meeting this morning with Australian Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull and I have been practising my Australian folk ballads, to ensure he feels relaxed and at home, the bloody savage.
"Waltzing Esmeralda, Waltzing Esmeralda.... Won't you come a Waltzing Esmeralda with me...?"  I warbled.
Turnbull was unimpressed. So  at the photo-op, I gave him the "loyal ally, with a small population which punches above its weight" routine which always goes down  well with home audiences, or so my ambassadors tell me. By now Turnbull had exhausted my patience, so I dismissed him curtly from the Oval Office: " OK. you can hop off now, bloody Ozzie."

The Clinton Chronicles: A Third Degree Bern

Note to self: We gotta get some dirt on Bernie Sanders, As Bill  has often said: " You can't fight dirty if you don't get some dirt to throw."

Cartoon: Nate Beeler

[Columbus Daily Dispatch]

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]

Barack Obama's Diary: The wonderful State of Me

It's State of the Union time again, when I am liberated to speak about all things Me, Mine, to trumpet My extraordinary, history-making achievements, about how I have spread peace and goodwill across the Earth, leaving only a few coins as a gratuity.  And then, of course, those pesky Iranians had to steal My thunder by impounding two small navy boats just as I was gearing up for My moment  in the global spotlight.

Ms. Jarrett's Journal

An insider's view of Barack Obama's abominable administration as it struggles to keep the nation's head above water:
I was delighted to find Barry's stash of shatter in his desk on Air Force One: Dr S.H. Rink is skilled at  adjusting Barry's excessive self-medication--- but we are all better off when Barry has no access to his daily dope of choice.

Cartoon: Nate Beeler

[The Columbus Dispatch]

These are the voyages of Airforce One

 Captain's Log 1/4/016---- Our Mission : To boldly go where Nobama has gone before.... No sooner had we collected Valerie Jarrett from Oahu, than she led the cabin crew in a painstaking hunt for any traces of shatter - a brittle marijuana-based membrane which is the passenger-in-chief's new drug of choice.

Blue bliss

Read it all:  http://www.libertyproject.com/well-being/blue-apron-everyone-talking-about-it/?utm_source=taboola&utm_medium=referral

Progress Notes for Patient 540463, Obama, Barack, H.

With the generous use of Ativan, I have brought Patient back under control after his idiotic use of Shatter {butane-dissolved cannabis oil}. Meanwhile, Valerie Jarrett is being flown to Hawaii at Mrs. Patient's behest, to keep patient on the straight and narrow. It is deeply alarming that someone so paranoid should  have his finger on the nuclear trigger. We have to hope that  the Pentagon's top brass have prepared a  detailed Plan for a coup d'etat, should one be required. --Dictated by S.H. Rink, M.D.