10/22/14

Joke of the Day...

I've torn out my alarm system.
 I’ve de-registered from Neighborhood Watch.
 NOW .... I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden,
one at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
 The local police, FBI and other security agencies
are all watching my house 24/7.
 I've never felt safer. [EM]

The last words on Redskins

 Here is an e-mail sent to Clarence Page of The Chicago Tribune after an article he published concerning a name change for the Washington  Redskins.

Dear Mr. Page...

I always love your articles and I generally agree with them. I would suggest, as in an email I received, they change the name to the "Foreskins" to better represent  their community, paying tribute to the dick heads in Washington, D.C.

I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional  football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must  be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.

Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta  Braves and the Cleveland Indians.  If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes  to skin color, then we need to  get rid of the Cleveland Browns.

The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60's alive. Gone. It's offensive to us white folk.

The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy?  No!  There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that  cost this country so many young men's lives.

I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names.  Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres.

Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!

Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children.  The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits.   Wrong message to our children.

The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our children.

The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Wrong message to our children.

The Milwaukee Brewers. Well that goes without saying. Wrong message to our children.

So, there you go.  We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should.  Just the kind of thing the do-nothing  Congress loves.

As a diehard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, suggest it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women's athletic teams to something other than "the Beavers."

10/21/14

Outrageous: King Obama plans to admit 100,000 Haitians by decree

It's all part of his fundamental transformation of America [Source]

Buttocks!

BH, our man in Sydney, and disdainful observer of all things hypocritical, pretentious and/or socialist, found this on The Guardian's website.  It seems that ladies of pallor are attempting to usurp the black woman's birthright of  ample black buttocks. For shame! [Read it all]

Cartoon: Aftermath


Barack Obama's Diary: Why I know that buses are Ebola-proof

Dear Diary: Out of a super-abundance of caution, I have warned the masses again today that Ebola can't be caught on a bus. This I know from my childhood in Kenya, Indonesia Hawaii when I often traveled by bus and never caught Ebola. There are things I know that would astonish  most people. Did you know, for instance,  that choom smoke is best inhaled near the ceiling of a minivan? But enough about me.

Cartoon: Gary McCoy

[Cagle Cartoons]

10/20/14

Barack Obama's Diary: Ebola...Shmebola

Dear Diary: What a fuss about nothing this Ebola business has been. I've appointed the czar that some were demanding, but now they are unhappy that he won't be taking on his duties for several months. So what's the hurry? Folks have had the benefit of my thoughts on the dangers of riding the bus: don't ride a bus. You're scared of going on a cruise? Duh. Don't go. Do as I do. Take a 747 and a helicopter to Martha's Vineyard and bring a couple quarts of hand sanitizer to slather on after shaking hands with the insanitary masses at The Black Dog Cafe. But enough about me. 

Stuff you didn't know

 TG, our Alaska contributor, sends this Stuff you didn't know you didn't know
--------- --------- ---------
Men can read smaller print than women can;
women can hear better.
--------- --------- ---------
Coca-Cola was originally green.
--------- --------- ---------
It is impossible to lick
your elbow.
--------- --------- ---------
The State with the highest percentage of people
who walk to work: Alaska
--------- --------- ---------
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
--------- --- ------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
The average number of people airborne over the U.S.
in any given hour: 61,000
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
-- ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air,
the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds
received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground,
the person died of natural causes
------ --- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4,
John Hancock and Charles Thomson
Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have
in common?
A. All were invented by women.
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
--------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened,
making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'
-------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding,  the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called
the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
--------- --------- ---------
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts...So in old England, when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them, 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' . . .
It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
--------- --------- ---------
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups.  When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service.
'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
--------- --------- ------ --- --------- --------- ---------
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2014 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is
home to help you carry in the groceries...

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first
20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go
and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

NOW your LAUGHING at yourself!
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be
amused!" (Unknown Author)
--------- --------- ---------
Go on, forward this to your friends.  You know you want to!  Go lick your elbow.
Stuff you didn't know you didn't know!


10/19/14

Dim Crims: Jail tale

One is a building with bars. The other is a building with a bar. A very drunk woman apparently had trouble telling them apart and ended up in a southwestern Michigan jail cell.
The Van Buren County sheriff's department says a 39-year-old woman mistook the Van Buren County jail for the bar where she was trying to pick up her boyfriend.  The department says Deputy Robert Miersma spotted the Hartford-area woman backing into the jail parking lot in Paw Paw about 2 a.m. Sunday and noticed she smelled of alcohol and appeared intoxicated.  It says a breath test showed her with more than twice the 0.08 percent blood alcohol considered drunk in Michigan. She's expected to face drunken driving charges. [BJS]

10/18/14

Barack Obama's Diary: Don't panic, dudes. Don't PANIC!

Oh happy day! Let others worrry about Ebola, ISIL and the rest of the petty little things that intrude upon my days. I'm playing golf at Fort Belvoir,Virginia, with aides Joe Paulsen, Marvin Nicholson, and sportswriter Tony Kornheiser. We must not be seen to panic. There's enough hysteria as it is.

10/17/14

Bam 'plans to import Ebola victims'

Washington, DC – Judicial Watch claims that the Obama administration is actively formulating plans to admit Ebola-infected non-U.S. citizens into the United States for treatment.  Specifically, the goal of the administration is to bring Ebola patients into the United States for treatment within the first days of diagnosis.
It is unclear who would bear the high costs of transporting and treating non-citizen Ebola patients.  The plans include special waivers of laws and regulations that ban the admission of non-citizens with a communicable disease as dangerous as Ebola.
One source tells JW that the Obama administration is keeping this plan secret from Congress. The source is concerned that the proposal is illegal; endangers the public health and welfare; and should require the approval of Congress. [Source]

PC madness: 'Carmen' closes over smoking

A decision by the West Australia Opera company to drop Carmen because it features smoking has left Tony Abbott, the Australian prime minister, fuming about “political correctness gone crazy”.
The state-owned opera company is ditching George Bizet’s masterpiece from its repertoire under a A$400,000 (£220,000) two-year partnership with Healthway, a state government health promotion group
Opera is “an exaggeration and if we are running around looking to take offence or looking to spread some politically correct message, just about every opera would be forbidden”, he told Melbourne Radio 3AW.
We don’t stop ‘Macbeth’ because it promotes killing kings.”

Ebolunacy continues...

President Obama has asked Ron Klain, who served as chief of staff to both Vice President Biden and former vice president Gore, as his Ebola response coordinator, according to a White House official. With a superb military command and  world-leadng private enterprise  leadership, this is the best the Bungler-in-Chief can manage. We are truly screwed. [Source]

10/16/14

Halleluja! Bam sees the light on Ebola Czar

President Obama has suggested for the first time he is open to appointing a single person to oversee the federal response to Ebola, bowing to numerous demands from Capitol Hill and elsewhere. [Source]