10/31/14

Question of the Day...

Is ebola the online form of Bola? [TD]

Cartoon: Chip Bok

[Cagle Cartoons]

Barack Obama's Diary: Putin the Geek

I was eating my accustomed bowl of Froot Loops this morning when I heard a familiar voice: "Good morning, Obamavitch!" I was incredulous as I had switched off my iPresidentophone to avoid Putin disturbin'  my breakfast. Then I realized: The voice,was coming, not from my phone, but from my computer.  "We have penetrated your private White House network, Obamavitch. You are now accessible to us 24/7. How do you like dem apples? Dem apples...gedddit?"  Piss off Putin!" I said pleasantly, as I scooped up a final mouthful of cereal and 2% milk. But enough about me.

How Islam is changing the West

After the recent Islamist outrage in Ottawa, Canada’s Prime Minister Stephen Harper said, “let there be no misunderstanding. We will not be intimidated.”
That’s tough talk, just what the public expect. And we’ve heard it before from another politician, Britain's PM David Cameron, after the Islamist murder of [soldier] Lee Rigby. Mr Cameron said: “We will never give in to terror—or terrorism—in any of its forms.”
When politicians say such things, are they saying they are determined to speak the truth and seriously defend our Western way of life, or is such talk little more than fear and bravado, hoping to reassure an increasingly worried public about Islam in the West?
Mr Cameron went on to say, “one of the best ways of defeating terrorism is to go about our normal lives.”
Presumably, going about our normal lives is what “not being intimidated” means. Yet recently, the Home Secretary Theresa May threatened the most sweeping changes to traditional freedoms that the British have enjoyed for hundreds of years, all because of Islamic terrorism. What is normal or “not being intimidated” about abolishing long-held traditional freedoms?
And now armed soldiers have to guard Horse Guards Parade, with its ritual ceremony of the Changing of the Guard. That’s London today. Innocent tourists have to be protected from threatened Islamist attacks. What is normal, we may ask, about armed soldiers on London’s streets protecting the public from Muslim extremists?
Over in Canada after the latest atrocity, military personnel have been requested “to restrict movement in uniform as much as possible.” That request came from Rear Admiral John Newton, Commander of Maritime Forces Atlantic.
So the Canadian military’s response to Islamist aggression in Canada is to instruct military personnel to take off their uniforms. Is that defending our Western way of life? How is it “not being intimidated” when you are afraid to walk your own streets in your country’s uniform?
If Prime Minister Harper meant what he said about “not being intimidated”, was this not precisely the time to insist that Canadian values be respected by all citizens? "  [Source]

10/29/14

Dear Cabby: [Advice for all]

Dear Cabby: My boss "Clueless" has just charged me with halting the spread of a deadly plague. Alas, I am totally out of my depth and completely inexperienced in such a role. Please Help!  ----Citizen Klain

Dear Citizen Klain: With someone like "Clueless" in charge, we are already doomed --DOOMED-- I tell ya. Fuggedaboud any "advice" from the White House and the CDC. They are all lying bastards. When in doubt, follow what the military do. They put their troops first. Meanwhile,  I suggest you put yourself into immediate voluntary quarantine, which will give you freedom to roam Nu Yawk by subway and taxi, but cut you off from "Clueless" so he can't complain about you being AWOL.  Keep away from Bellevue Hospital lest they make you live in a tent. Good Luck. You're gonna need it.---Cabby

Barack Obama's Diary: Bibi down, Vlad still to go.

Dear Diary: I had barely taken a break fom Bibi's excoriation of me, when the Song of the Volga Boatmen  burbled mournfully from my iPresdientophone. I said "Hello Vlad, [for ir was he] you calling to gloat? " "Obamavitch, what do you expect when you use decades-old Russian rocket engines  to launch a 21st Century spacecraft?  They make Yuri Gagarin look young. "Gagarin, Obamavich? He was our first man in space." But enough about me.

10/28/14

Barack Obama's Diary: Bibi's ire is unleashed upon me

Dear  Diary: I was munching away happily at a generous bowl of Honeynut Cheerios this morning, when the unmistakeable strains of Hava Nagila burst forth from my iPresidentophone. I had been expecting an irate call from Bibi Netanyahu ever since one of my aides was quoted as having dismissed him as  "chickenshit." Bibi never allows such things to pass without comment. I held the phone a couple feet from my ear and waited for the torrent of abuse to subside before attempting any conversation. Hebrew is a very expressive language for cursing. I'm told that it exceeds even Afrikaans for this purpose. But enough about me.

[Sad] Headline of the Day...


The stamp of failure

Our Man in Alaska, the eagle-eyed TG: sends this:
"The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of President Obama on it, but soon noticed
  that the stamp was not  sticking to envelopes.
This  enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special  commission presented the following findings:
1.The stamp is in perfect order.
2. There is nothing wrong with the glue.
3. People are spitting on the wrong side..."

B...B...Bambled response continues.

What is the point of the Ebola czar? Obama's man to sort out crisis is invisible amid claims Obama admin's efforts to stop an outbreak are 'laughable'
It's unclear what Ebola Response Coordinator Klain has brought to the proverbial table. So far, the government's response to Ebola response appears to be just as ham-handed as it was before.

Question of the day...

10/27/14

Bam's team of bumbling Bamblers

Are Susan Rice and Chuck Hagel equal to today’s new national-security challenges? asks
Michael Hirsh in Politico.  Read it all  [BJS]



Hope and Poop

Our man in Alaska, TG, sends this:
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.
 Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.
 Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good", said the teacher.
 Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.
 Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said.
 "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
 Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny.
 "Toothbrushes? ", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
 "I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop; you wanna buy a toothbrush?" I used the President Obama method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment. Bless his heart.