3/2/15

Progress Notes for Patient 540463: OBAMA, Barack, H.

3/4/2015: I had prescribed a vacation for myself and Mrs Rink a couple weeks ago, before the Prime Patient's escalating neuroses finally blew off the top of my head. However, it was a futile exercise as we arrived back just as Netanyahu flew in from Tel Aviv. I could tell immediately that Patient had been smoking weed. I entered the family apartment to find Patient in his accustomed state of meltdown, face down  on  the hideous brown sofa, weakly pounding the faux velvet with his fists, imploring the empty room: "Will no-one rid me of this tempestuous Prime Minister?"
Valerie Jarrett materialized. "Barry," she said soothingly, "Dr. Rink will give you a mild sedative, so you awake refreshed for the rigors of tomorrow." She gave me a knowing look and I complied, injecting a modest dose of Ativan, then retired to my little suite one floor below, on call for emergencies.---Dictated by S.H.Rink, M.D.

Cartoon: Nate Beeler


[Columbus Daily Dispatch]

Boehner's tearful tribute: 'Bibi, our closest ally against Obama'

 John Boehner paid a warm tribute to Bibi Netanyahu at a press conference today. Netanyahu had equally high praise for Boehner, saying that “no one has been more steadfast and dedicated in the struggle against your President.”
“This foe is not to be trusted or appeased,” Netanyahu said. “Your resolute refusal to find any common ground with him whatsoever has earned my undying respect.”
As the press conference ended, Boehner appeared to fight back tears as he called Netanyahu “a brother in arms” in ongoing hostilities with Obama.
“A wise man once said that my enemy’s enemy is my friend,” Boehner said, choking up. “You, sir, are my best friend in the world.”

2/28/15

Joke of the Day...

"Jeb Bush gave a speech the other day. He accidentally said that ISIS has 200,000 men instead of 20,000, and then he mispronounced the name of the terrorist group Boko Haram. So, if history has taught us anything, Jeb is well on his way to winning the White House." –Jimmy Fallon,

Bullets fly in Moscow

 Boris Nemtsov, a Russian opposition politician and former deputy prime minister who was an outspoken critic of President Vladimir Putin, was shot dead  on a bridge meters from the Kremlin in central Moscow on Friday. Laughing Conservative feels somewhat freaked out  by this, having walked the same bridge many times during a stay in Moscow at the Kempinski Hotel which overlooks the Kremlin from the other side of the Moskva River.  Don't be too quick to blame Putin: Numerous victims were being assassinated even then, mostly business rivals vying for power and territory, not unlike the Mexican drug cartels of today. 

2/27/15

Noonan jabs at Jeb

A common refrain these days is that Jeb Bush is locking up big donors and freezing out potential rivals so efficiently that he's cruising toward a sure GOP nomination. No way, writes Peggy Noonan in the Wall Street Journal. So far, she doesn't like what she sees, describing his public forays as "tentative and joyless." He's had one big line to date—"I am my own man"—but Noonan wonders whether that's something a presidential candidate should ever have to utter. Bush is lacking "a fierce sense of engagement, a passionate desire to lead America out of the morass, a fiery—or Churchillian—certainty that he is the man for the moment," she writes."In its place we see a softer, wanner I’m smart, accomplished, know policy, and it’s my turn." Republicans want and will demand more, Noonan predicts. If the Democrats want to anoint a candidate in tumultuous times without any real debate, fine, nobody expects anything different. But as for Bush, "no one should bow to his inevitability," she writes. "He doesn’t have a better chance with Republican voters than some other possible candidates, and may have less." Click to read the full column. [BJS]

2/26/15

Barack Obama's Diary: My cunning pot plan comes together


Dear Diary: Mirabile dictu!  Wondrous news! The good folk of DC have opted to legalize pot and dealers are already hovering around schools, selling  baggies of the seductive substance. My supplies of ganja in a secret compartment of the Resolute Desk are perilously low and I need a cunning plan to replenish them. I tried using a drone  a couple days ago, but it crashed on a White House lawn. I could ask a discreet aide like Marv Nicholson to drive me in his car and -- while the Secret Service are sleeping off their usual nefarious activities -- I could don a beard from Michelle, leap from Marv's car,  seize a dealer's baggies, leave him a couple hundred bucks and order Marv to put the pedal to the metal of his Civic and high-tail it back to the White House before my minders even notice I've been missing. Brilliant

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]

"

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]

2/25/15

Barack Obama's Diary: Can a 3rd term be within my reach?

Dear Diary: I am overwhelmed with excitement! An Italian surgeon  says that a full body transplant will be possible in the not-too-distant future. With a new head and the same brain, I will be able to claim a third term in the White House, install ISIL  in the Pentagon and complete the total transformation of America,  give Iran enough nukes to turn Israel into a sheet of glass,  kick Vlad Putin in the gonads and install myself as Emperor of the world. O happy Day!

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[Augusta Chronicle]

Socialist medicine in action

Families of patients being cared for at a brand new English flagship hospital are outraged after their loved ones were given 'Downton Abbey-style' handbells to attract attention.
Those given the metal bells at Southmead Hospital in Bristol include a frail 84-year-old who couldn't pick one up. The state-of-the-art unit opened in May, but 23 clinical rooms - used when there is a lack of other beds - are still without a proper electronic patient alert system.

2/20/15

Cartoon: A.F. Branco

Joke of the Day...

A large group of Islamic State terrorists in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice from behind a sand dune: “One U.S. Marine is better than 10 ISIS fighters.”
The terrorist commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the dune. A brief gun battle breaks out. Then … silence.
The same voice again calls out: “One U.S. Marine is better than 100 ISIS losers!”
Furious, the commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune. After a few minutes of intense gunfire … more silence. The voice calls out again: “One U.S. Marine is better than 1,000 ISIS cowards!”
The now-enraged commander orders 1,000 of his best warriors over the dune, when a terrible battle is then fought. He hears small arms fire, machine-guns, grenades, rockets … and then silence.
Finally, one badly wounded Islamic State terrorist crawls back over the dune, leaving a trail of gore behind him, and with his dying breath, warns his commander:
“Don’t send any more men! It’s a trap! There are two of them!“