Dim crims: Shoplifter 'hid vibrator behind child in stroller'

A woman who allegedly tried to steal a vibrator from the “love section” of a Spencer’s gift shop in South Carolina was foiled when a store employee spotted her stashing the device behind her child, who was seated in a stroller, police report.
Misty Ann Lee, 38, was nabbed Friday afternoon inside the WestGate Mall in Spartanburg, according to a police report. She was cited for shoplifting and booked into the county jail (from which she was released Friday evening).
A Spencer’s manager told cops that she saw Lee “select a vibrator from the love unit” and then move to the “t-shirt cube,” where she allegedly slid the item “behind a young child in the stroller.” Lee then departed the store, worker Dawn Hamilton told investigators. [Source]

Progress Report for Patient 540463, Obama, Barack, H.

7/21/14 : My heart goes out to Patient on rare occasions. His war of words with Vladimir Putin over the  Ukraine  missile disaster, is one such occasion. Invective is not Patient's strong point. 'Poopy-head' is  as far as he has gone, this time, and he was promptly called "crap-head Kenyan" in return. World leaders operate on a far higher intellectual plane than the rest of us. Dictated by S.H.Rink M.D.

Dim Crims: Woman caught by her selfie

An Illinois woman who shared photos of her eye-catching new dress on Facebook was arrested after the pics caught the eye of people who knew the boutique she had allegedly stolen it from. Police say Amanda Saxton, 27, shared the photos just a few hours after stealing a distinctive leopard-pattern dress and other items and still had stolen clothes in her hand when officers arrived at her home. [Source]  [BJS]

Gray Lady shows her mid-east bias

Something important is missing from the New York Times's coverage of the war in Gaza: photographs of terrorist attacks on Israel, and pictures of Hamas fighters, tunnels, weaponry, and use of human shields, reports the Weekly Standard.
"It appears the Times is silently but happily complying with a Hamas demand that the only pictures from Gaza are of civilians and never of fighters. One of the most influential news organization in the world is thus manufacturing an utterly false portrait of the battle—precisely the portrait that Hamas finds most helpful: embattled, victimized Gaza civilians under attack by a cruel Israeli military.
"A review of the Times's photography in Gaza reveals a stark contrast in how the two sides are portrayed. Nearly every picture from Israel depicts tanks, soldiers, or attack helicopters. And every picture of Gaza depicts either bloodied civilians, destroyed buildings, overflowing hospitals, or other images of civilian anguish. It is as one-sided and misleading a depiction of the Gaza battle as one can imagine. [Source]

Obama is a spent force, says WH reproter

Keith Koffler of White House Dossier has reported on the White House for years and has never been much of an Obama fan. Today he descends into total disillusionment: "This president is not only spent –  he’s sick of the job – but he’s also broke. That is, he has spent down all his political capital – nobody wants to work with him – and he is in the process of completing what seems to one of his main projects: Totally depleting the stature of his office." [Source]


Barack Obama's Dairy: Poopy-head Putin tries to eat crow, fails

Dear Diary: I placed my iPresidentophone on the table beside me as I added milk to my honeywheat Cheerios, The way things have been going the past couple weeks, a  breakfast phone call from a world leader was inevitable.  Almost immediately the Song of the Volga Boatmen burst forth. "Good Morning, Putin," I said, For it was he.
Quoth Putin:  "Good morning, Obamavitch, I want to talk about the downed airliner in Ukraine."
"If you are seeking to eat crow, Poopy-head, you've come to the wrong guy. Anything that  takes voters' minds off  immigration is fine with me."  That shut him up.  "Yum!" I said into the silence and I let him listen to my munching for a while. "I'll bet you don't have Cheerios in  Russia."   There was silence from the Kremlin. Then came a female voice: Valdimir, Vladimir,  wherefore art thou, Vladimir." The old goat was flexing his pecs with his Shakespearian  actress again.
"Котёнок"  he said."My little kitten."You are so beautiful."
But enough about me.


Barack Obama's Diary: Cheerios with Vladimir

Dear Diary: Why do world leaders always choose breakfast time to call me?   Today, as I munched my wholwheat Cheerios, my iPresidentophone burst into a baritone chorus from  Song of the Volga Boatmen by the Red Army choir.  "Good morning, Vladimir!" I said  cheerily, for it is his ring-tone. "Good morning, Kenyan," said Putin, " I have urgent business to discuss: A missile has downed a Malaysian Airlines flight over Ukraine"
"I thought their plane crashed somewhere in the Indian Ocean," I replied.
"Idiot, that was a different plane."  I must have misheard, because even Vlad isn't impolite to my face, or-- in this case-- my ear.  I needed to get him to hang up quick, as I needed urgently to revise a speech I was due to make a few hours later in Delaware. " OK, Vlad ," I said. "Thanks for the heads-up, but I'm busy-busy...running the world. You know  how it is."
As I rode to Delaware in back of The Beast, I added a new opening to my speech. "Our thoughts and prayers are with the families of the victims at this difficult time." Original and heart-warming, if I may say so, and I may, so I'm saying so.  Then I will return to the one-liners and the  "it's great to be in Delaware" routine. But enough about me.


Cartoon: Stilton Jarlsberg

Dim Crims: I ain do nuttin, claims hijack suspect

Hijack suspect interrupts TV reporter to proclaim his innocence. --TG

Dim Crims: Teacher and two trannies raid home

A high school math teacher and two transvestites have been arrested for breaking into a home  in Bakersfield, California, stealing a computer and assaulting the homeowner. Police say former Foothill High School math teacher David Espericueta and two men dressed in women’s clothing stole an Apple computer.
ABC 23 reports, “When the victim attempted to stop the suspect, the suspect pushed him aside and sprayed him in the face with pepper spray.”
“Deputies say the victim reported the suspect then struck him twice in the back of the head with an unknown object,” the news station says. The victim then filmed the getaway on his cell phone.


Barack Obama's Diary: Bibi for breakfast

Dear Diary: I had barely taken my first mouthful of Froot Loops this morning when my iPresidentophone burst into a rousing chorus of Hava Nagila. " Good Morning, Bibi,"  I said. For it was he. "Mister Netanyahu, to you, Big Ears," came the reply.
"You get out of the wrong side of the air raid shelter this morning?" I asked cheerily.  "Why don't you stop defending yourselves and play nice with Mahmoud Abbas," I said. "I'm sure he will quickly  reciprocate."
Silence. "Bibi? Bibi? Mr Netanyahu?"  "  For a moment thought I heard  a voice say "moron."  I am held in such high regard by other world leaders, that it must have been something like "genius" in Hebrew or Aramaic or whatever they talk over there.  But enough about me.


Barack Obama's Diary: My genius strikes again

Dear Diary: I visited the Turner-Fairbank Highway Research Center in McLean VA, today. I had a brilliant idea while I was there. If we can have an HOV express lane in DC for High Occupancy Vehicles, why not an national  UIV lane to ensure Undocumented Immigrant Vehicles can disperse quickly throughout the country, so spreading the load on schools and hospitals who have to absorb them. Pure genius if I may say so, and I may, so I will: Well done, Barack, great job!  Another great step forward in fundamentally transforming America! But enough about me.


Barack Obama's Diary: The Complete Book of Me

Dear Diary: The usual culprits are whining again about MY use of the first person in MY speeches. What else am I supposed to do? MY achievements are incomparable. No-one else but ME can claim to have run all branches of government simultaneously. But, enough about ME. 


Barack Obama's Diary: How to disembark with style

Dear Diary: My enemies are unable to criticize me in one area: The elegant way I descend the stairs from Air Force One: arms bent perpendicular to the ground  hands dangling loosely, every movement controlled, yet seemingly nonchalant. This  skill has not been acquired without effort. Indeed, in the early  days of my presidency I spent hours at Andrews Air Force base practicing  effortless descents, that would project my message of youth and change. I still suits me well. In fact I have mandated that my whole administration  should attend weekly classes in disembarking  in this calm, confident way, that signals to the natives that reinforcements have arrived  and all  is now well. But enough about me.