10/31/14

Obamatoon: Stilton Jarlsberg


Obamatoon

[Cagle Cartoons]

Dim Crims: Woman held twice for DWZ (driving while a zombie)

Police say a woman wearing a zombie costume and makeup was charged with drunken driving twice within three hours after attending an upstate New York bar's "zombie prom" party.
Police in the town of Gates told The Democrat and Chronicle that 26-year-old Catherine Butler, of Rochester, was arrested around 2 a.m. when an officer spotted her driving without her headlights on.
She was taken to the police department, where a friend picked her up.
Officials say she got back in her car and was stopped again around 5 a.m. driving on the same road and still in her zombie costume and makeup. Her police mug shot shows her wearing fake blood and cuts on her face. [Source]

More than 50% oppose stricter gun laws

Less than half of Americans support stricter gun laws.After spiked following the Newtown shooting, views about the sale of firearms have returned to what they were earlier in the decade. Americans still oppose a ban on handgun possession, Gallup reports

Question of the Day...

Is ebola the online form of Bola? [TD]

Cartoon: Chip Bok

[Cagle Cartoons]

Barack Obama's Diary: Putin the Geek

I was eating my accustomed bowl of Froot Loops this morning when I heard a familiar voice: "Good morning, Obamavitch!" I was incredulous as I had switched off my iPresidentophone to avoid Putin disturbin'  my breakfast. Then I realized: The voice,was coming, not from my phone, but from my computer.  "We have penetrated your private White House network, Obamavitch. You are now accessible to us 24/7. How do you like dem apples? Dem apples...gedddit?"  Piss off Putin!" I said pleasantly, as I scooped up a final mouthful of cereal and 2% milk. But enough about me.

How Islam is changing the West

After the recent Islamist outrage in Ottawa, Canada’s Prime Minister Stephen Harper said, “let there be no misunderstanding. We will not be intimidated.”
That’s tough talk, just what the public expect. And we’ve heard it before from another politician, Britain's PM David Cameron, after the Islamist murder of [soldier] Lee Rigby. Mr Cameron said: “We will never give in to terror—or terrorism—in any of its forms.”
When politicians say such things, are they saying they are determined to speak the truth and seriously defend our Western way of life, or is such talk little more than fear and bravado, hoping to reassure an increasingly worried public about Islam in the West?
Mr Cameron went on to say, “one of the best ways of defeating terrorism is to go about our normal lives.”
Presumably, going about our normal lives is what “not being intimidated” means. Yet recently, the Home Secretary Theresa May threatened the most sweeping changes to traditional freedoms that the British have enjoyed for hundreds of years, all because of Islamic terrorism. What is normal or “not being intimidated” about abolishing long-held traditional freedoms?
And now armed soldiers have to guard Horse Guards Parade, with its ritual ceremony of the Changing of the Guard. That’s London today. Innocent tourists have to be protected from threatened Islamist attacks. What is normal, we may ask, about armed soldiers on London’s streets protecting the public from Muslim extremists?
Over in Canada after the latest atrocity, military personnel have been requested “to restrict movement in uniform as much as possible.” That request came from Rear Admiral John Newton, Commander of Maritime Forces Atlantic.
So the Canadian military’s response to Islamist aggression in Canada is to instruct military personnel to take off their uniforms. Is that defending our Western way of life? How is it “not being intimidated” when you are afraid to walk your own streets in your country’s uniform?
If Prime Minister Harper meant what he said about “not being intimidated”, was this not precisely the time to insist that Canadian values be respected by all citizens? "  [Source]

10/29/14

Dear Cabby: [Advice for all]

Dear Cabby: My boss "Clueless" has just charged me with halting the spread of a deadly plague. Alas, I am totally out of my depth and completely inexperienced in such a role. Please Help!  ----Citizen Klain

Dear Citizen Klain: With someone like "Clueless" in charge, we are already doomed --DOOMED-- I tell ya. Fuggedaboud any "advice" from the White House and the CDC. They are all lying bastards. When in doubt, follow what the military do. They put their troops first. Meanwhile,  I suggest you put yourself into immediate voluntary quarantine, which will give you freedom to roam Nu Yawk by subway and taxi, but cut you off from "Clueless" so he can't complain about you being AWOL.  Keep away from Bellevue Hospital lest they make you live in a tent. Good Luck. You're gonna need it.---Cabby

Barack Obama's Diary: Bibi down, Vlad still to go.

Dear Diary: I had barely taken a break fom Bibi's excoriation of me, when the Song of the Volga Boatmen  burbled mournfully from my iPresdientophone. I said "Hello Vlad, [for ir was he] you calling to gloat? " "Obamavitch, what do you expect when you use decades-old Russian rocket engines  to launch a 21st Century spacecraft?  They make Yuri Gagarin look young. "Gagarin, Obamavich? He was our first man in space." But enough about me.

10/28/14

Barack Obama's Diary: Bibi's ire is unleashed upon me

Dear  Diary: I was munching away happily at a generous bowl of Honeynut Cheerios this morning, when the unmistakeable strains of Hava Nagila burst forth from my iPresidentophone. I had been expecting an irate call from Bibi Netanyahu ever since one of my aides was quoted as having dismissed him as  "chickenshit." Bibi never allows such things to pass without comment. I held the phone a couple feet from my ear and waited for the torrent of abuse to subside before attempting any conversation. Hebrew is a very expressive language for cursing. I'm told that it exceeds even Afrikaans for this purpose. But enough about me.

[Sad] Headline of the Day...


The stamp of failure

Our Man in Alaska, the eagle-eyed TG: sends this:
"The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of President Obama on it, but soon noticed
  that the stamp was not  sticking to envelopes.
This  enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special  commission presented the following findings:
1.The stamp is in perfect order.
2. There is nothing wrong with the glue.
3. People are spitting on the wrong side..."

B...B...Bambled response continues.

What is the point of the Ebola czar? Obama's man to sort out crisis is invisible amid claims Obama admin's efforts to stop an outbreak are 'laughable'
It's unclear what Ebola Response Coordinator Klain has brought to the proverbial table. So far, the government's response to Ebola response appears to be just as ham-handed as it was before.

Question of the day...

10/27/14

Bam's team of bumbling Bamblers

Are Susan Rice and Chuck Hagel equal to today’s new national-security challenges? asks
Michael Hirsh in Politico.  Read it all  [BJS]



Hope and Poop

Our man in Alaska, TG, sends this:
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.
 Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.
 Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good", said the teacher.
 Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.
 Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said.
 "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
 Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny.
 "Toothbrushes? ", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
 "I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop; you wanna buy a toothbrush?" I used the President Obama method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment. Bless his heart.

Cartoon: Cameron Cardow

[Cagle Cartoons]

Barack Obama's Diary: Who will gubbin da gubbinors?

Dear Diary: The utter impertinence of Governors Cuomo and Christie! How dare they second-guess Me, the beloved leader of the free world, Sir Barack the Brave. If I say people can come to Nu Yawk  from  an Ebola hot zone, with no quarantine period, dat's da way it's gonna be, Fatso Christie, you geddit?
I am increasingly concerned about the lava flow on Hawaii's big island. It is  dead on course for my plantation of Blueberry Yum Yum -- the Champagne of marijuanas. Maybe I can persuade the Air Force to water-bomb the lava and thus solidify it.  But enough about me.

10/26/14

Barack Obama's Diary: I'm safer than you all are...nyaa, nyaah

Dear Diary:  I had a glorious round of golf at Fort Belvoir today, although I did find that my full-body Ebola protective gear hampered my game. But what's a guy to do with all these unquarantined  people walking near by? I was with my usual group of junior aides:  Mike Brush, Joe Paulsen, and Marvin Nicholson. Lord knows where these guys go during their  leisure time, hence my yellow vinyl suit -- better safe than sorry.  Out of an abundance of caution the Pentagon is having isolation pods built that will fit in heavy military transport aircraft so that infected troops can be repatriated from West Africa, though, of course, none can become infected.  Purely out of prudence, I have insisted that they order an extra unit for Air Force One and reserve a doctor and nurses to go with it. I am the leader of the Free World and my safety is paramount. But enough about me.

Jeb is 'moving forward' a 2016 run, says his son

 Florida Gov. Jeb Bush is "moving forward" towards a potential 2016 White House run and it appears more likely he will enter the Republican field, according to his son, who's running for office in Texas. George P. Bush told ABC's This Week that his father is "still assessing" a presidential bid, but suggested it was more likely that he would seek the White House this time. The ex-governor declined to run for president in 2012 despite encouragement from Republicans.
"I think it's more than likely that he's giving this a serious thought and moving — and moving forward," said the younger Bush, who is running for Texas land commissioner.
Asked if that meant it was "more than likely that he'll run," George P. Bush responded: "That he'll run. If you had asked me a few years back ... I would have said it was less likely." [More]

Obamatoon: Daryl Cagle

[Cagle Cartoons]

Obamatoon: Gary Varvel

[Cagle Cartoons]

10/24/14

Barack Obama's Diary: I dub Me 'Sir Barack the Brave'

Dear Diary: I hugged an Ebola patient today -- I was assured  by my Ebola czar that the patient had fully recovered and was of no danger to anyone any more.  But it took some courage,  on my part, I can tell you, especially since my Ebola Czar knows less about Ebola now than Rasputin did then. I have since been on constant  alert for the slightest suggestion of nausea, fever or diarrhea. Thank goodness I do not have to ride the subway, or  go bowling, like common folk. Sir Barack the Brave...I really like that moniker. But enough about me.

Obama's Keystone docs fail again

Dr. Craig Spencer, NYC's first Ebola patient, was not flagged by the CDC's 'enhanced screening' protocols.
'He went through multiple layers of screening and did not have a fever or other symptoms of illness,' the CDC tweeted. He spiked a 103-degree fever six days later and landed in New York City's Bellevue Hospital. Critics are slamming the CDC and the Obama administration for letting west African travelers into the country while requiring airport screening that can't identify patients.  Read more:

Meet Mac and Wally

"Mac & Wally" are two funny, conservative dogs appearing in their very own comic strip which you can friend here on Facebook.

10/23/14

Barack Obama's Diary: Don't PANIC...Don't PANIC!

Dear Diary: A doctor who rode the subway and spent several hours at a busy Brooklyn bowling alley has been diagnosed with Ebola. Only one case in a city of 8 million people... that is no cause for concern. I have already reassured the American people that you can't catch Ebola on a bus. They will intuit that the same applies to the L train. Of course Vlad Putin has been rubbing salt in my wounds. He called late today and said: "Obamavitch,  I have ordered for you Dictatorship for Dummies, from Amazon, which I have personally found very helpful. Tell your Democrat lackey De Blasio that, if Manhattanites show any tendency to storm Gracie Mansion, a few bursts of automatic  fire should nip open rebellion  in the bud. Always works for me."

Dim Crims: Weed request plants man in jail

A not-so-bright criminal is heading back to jail after accidentally texting his probation officer asking if he had any weed. Alvin Cross Jr.’s amateur approach to arranging a drug deal quickly landed him in trouble when the officer alerted police.
According to WALB, the probation officer received a text from Cross, asking: “You have some weed?”
A drugs squad promptly raided his home in Albany, Georgia, where they found a bag of cocaine.
Mr Cross will spend another year in jail after pleading guilty to possession of cocaine. [TG]

Presidential lies contest

TG, our man in Alaska, found this Presidential lies contest:

LBJ:
We were attacked (in the Gulf of Tonkin )

Nixon:
I am not a crook

GHW Bush:
Read my lips - No New Taxes

Clinton:
I did not have sex with that woman... Miss Lewinski

 Obama:
I will have the most transparent administration in history.
The stimulus will fund shovel-ready jobs.
I am focused like a laser on creating jobs.
The IRS is not targeting anyone.
It was a spontaneous riot about a movie.
I will put an end to the type of politics that "breeds division, conflict and cynicism".
You didn't build that!
I will restore trust in Government.
The Cambridge cops acted stupidly.
The public will have 5 days to look at every bill that lands on my desk
It's not my red line - it is the world's red line.
Whistle blowers will be protected in my administration.
We got back every dime we used to rescue the banks and auto companies, with interest.
I am not spying on American citizens.
Obama Care will be good for America .
You can keep your family doctor.
Premiums will be lowered by $2500.
If you like it, you can keep your current healthcare plan.
It's just like shopping at Amazon.
I knew nothing about "Fast and Furious" gun-running to Mexican drug cartels.
I knew nothing about IRS targeting conservative groups.
I knew nothing about what happened in Benghazi .
I have never known my uncle from Kenya who is in the country illegally and that was arrested and told to leave the country over 20 years ago.
And, I have never lived with that uncle.  He finally admitted (12-05-2013) that he DID know his uncle and that he DID live with him.
If elected I promise not to renew the Patriot Act.
If elected I will end the war in Iraq and Afghanistan within the 1st 9 months of my term.
I will close Guantanamo within the first 6 months of my term.
I will bridge the gap between black and white and between America and other countries.
And the biggest one of all:
"I, Barrack Hussein Obama, pledge to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States of America ."

I believe we have a winner

Last gasp in Rome

The UK Spectator reports rgThe Rome Opera House sacked its entire orchestra and chorus the other day.Financed and managed by the state, and therefore crippled by debt, the opera house — like so much else in Italy — had been a jobs-for-life trade union fiefdom. Its honorary director, Riccardo Muti, became so fed up after dealing with six years of work-to-rule surrealism that he resigned. It’s hard to blame him. The musicians at the opera house — the ‘professori’ — work a 28-hour week (nearly half taken up with ‘study’) and get paid 16 months’ salary a year, plus absurd perks such as double pay for performing in the open air because it is humid and therefore a health risk. Even so, in the summer, Muti was compelled to conduct a performance of La Boh√®me with only a pianist because the rest of the orchestra had gone on strike.
After Muti’s resignation, the opera house board did something unprecedented: they sacked about 200 members of the orchestra and chorus, in a country where no one with a long-term contract can be fired. It was a revolutionary — dare one say Thatcherite? — act. If only somebody would have the guts to do something similar across the whole of the Italian state sector. But nobody will. Italy seems doomed.

10/22/14

Joke of the Day...

I've torn out my alarm system.
 I’ve de-registered from Neighborhood Watch.
 NOW .... I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden,
one at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
 The local police, FBI and other agencies
are all watching my house 24/7.
 I've never felt safer. [EM]

The last words on Redskins

 Here is an e-mail sent to Clarence Page of The Chicago Tribune after an article he published concerning a name change for the Washington  Redskins.

Dear Mr. Page...

I always love your articles and I generally agree with them. I would suggest, as in an email I received, they change the name to the "Foreskins" to better represent  their community, paying tribute to the dick heads in Washington, D.C.

I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional  football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must  be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.

Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta  Braves and the Cleveland Indians.  If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes  to skin color, then we need to  get rid of the Cleveland Browns.

The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60's alive. Gone. It's offensive to us white folk.

The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy?  No!  There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that  cost this country so many young men's lives.

I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names.  Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres.

Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!

Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children.  The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits.   Wrong message to our children.

The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our children.

The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Wrong message to our children.

The Milwaukee Brewers. Well that goes without saying. Wrong message to our children.

So, there you go.  We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should.  Just the kind of thing the do-nothing  Congress loves.

As a diehard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, suggest it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women's athletic teams to something other than "the Beavers."

10/21/14

Outrageous: King Obama plans to admit 100,000 Haitians by decree

It's all part of his fundamental transformation of America [Source]

Buttocks!

BH, our man in Sydney, and disdainful observer of all things hypocritical, pretentious and/or socialist, found this on The Guardian's website.  It seems that ladies of pallor are attempting to usurp the black woman's birthright of  ample black buttocks. For shame! [Read it all]

Cartoon: Aftermath


Barack Obama's Diary: Why I know that buses are Ebola-proof

Dear Diary: Out of a super-abundance of caution, I have warned the masses again today that Ebola can't be caught on a bus. This I know from my childhood in Kenya, Indonesia Hawaii when I often traveled by bus and never caught Ebola. There are things I know that would astonish  most people. Did you know, for instance,  that choom smoke is best inhaled near the ceiling of a minivan? But enough about me.

Cartoon: Gary McCoy

[Cagle Cartoons]

10/20/14

Barack Obama's Diary: Ebola...Shmebola

Dear Diary: What a fuss about nothing this Ebola business has been. I've appointed the czar that some were demanding, but now they are unhappy that he won't be taking on his duties for several months. So what's the hurry? Folks have had the benefit of my thoughts on the dangers of riding the bus: don't ride a bus. You're scared of going on a cruise? Duh. Don't go. Do as I do. Take a 747 and a helicopter to Martha's Vineyard and bring a couple quarts of hand sanitizer to slather on after shaking hands with the insanitary masses at The Black Dog Cafe. But enough about me. 

Stuff you didn't know

 TG, our Alaska contributor, sends this Stuff you didn't know you didn't know
--------- --------- ---------
Men can read smaller print than women can;
women can hear better.
--------- --------- ---------
Coca-Cola was originally green.
--------- --------- ---------
It is impossible to lick
your elbow.
--------- --------- ---------
The State with the highest percentage of people
who walk to work: Alaska
--------- --------- ---------
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
--------- --- ------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
The average number of people airborne over the U.S.
in any given hour: 61,000
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
-- ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air,
the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds
received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground,
the person died of natural causes
------ --- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4,
John Hancock and Charles Thomson
Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have
in common?
A. All were invented by women.
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
--------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened,
making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'
-------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding,  the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called
the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
--------- --------- ---------
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts...So in old England, when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them, 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' . . .
It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
--------- --------- ---------
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups.  When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service.
'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
--------- --------- ------ --- --------- --------- ---------
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2014 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is
home to help you carry in the groceries...

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first
20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go
and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

NOW your LAUGHING at yourself!
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be
amused!" (Unknown Author)
--------- --------- ---------
Go on, forward this to your friends.  You know you want to!  Go lick your elbow.
Stuff you didn't know you didn't know!


10/19/14

Dim Crims: Jail tale

One is a building with bars. The other is a building with a bar. A very drunk woman apparently had trouble telling them apart and ended up in a southwestern Michigan jail cell.
The Van Buren County sheriff's department says a 39-year-old woman mistook the Van Buren County jail for the bar where she was trying to pick up her boyfriend.  The department says Deputy Robert Miersma spotted the Hartford-area woman backing into the jail parking lot in Paw Paw about 2 a.m. Sunday and noticed she smelled of alcohol and appeared intoxicated.  It says a breath test showed her with more than twice the 0.08 percent blood alcohol considered drunk in Michigan. She's expected to face drunken driving charges. [BJS]

10/18/14

Barack Obama's Diary: Don't panic, dudes. Don't PANIC!

Oh happy day! Let others worrry about Ebola, ISIL and the rest of the petty little things that intrude upon my days. I'm playing golf at Fort Belvoir,Virginia, with aides Joe Paulsen, Marvin Nicholson, and sportswriter Tony Kornheiser. We must not be seen to panic. There's enough hysteria as it is.

10/17/14

Bam 'plans to import Ebola victims'

Washington, DC – Judicial Watch claims that the Obama administration is actively formulating plans to admit Ebola-infected non-U.S. citizens into the United States for treatment.  Specifically, the goal of the administration is to bring Ebola patients into the United States for treatment within the first days of diagnosis.
It is unclear who would bear the high costs of transporting and treating non-citizen Ebola patients.  The plans include special waivers of laws and regulations that ban the admission of non-citizens with a communicable disease as dangerous as Ebola.
One source tells JW that the Obama administration is keeping this plan secret from Congress. The source is concerned that the proposal is illegal; endangers the public health and welfare; and should require the approval of Congress. [Source]

PC madness: 'Carmen' closes over smoking

A decision by the West Australia Opera company to drop Carmen because it features smoking has left Tony Abbott, the Australian prime minister, fuming about “political correctness gone crazy”.
The state-owned opera company is ditching George Bizet’s masterpiece from its repertoire under a A$400,000 (£220,000) two-year partnership with Healthway, a state government health promotion group
Opera is “an exaggeration and if we are running around looking to take offence or looking to spread some politically correct message, just about every opera would be forbidden”, he told Melbourne Radio 3AW.
We don’t stop ‘Macbeth’ because it promotes killing kings.”

Ebolunacy continues...

President Obama has asked Ron Klain, who served as chief of staff to both Vice President Biden and former vice president Gore, as his Ebola response coordinator, according to a White House official. With a superb military command and  world-leadng private enterprise  leadership, this is the best the Bungler-in-Chief can manage. We are truly screwed. [Source]

10/16/14

Halleluja! Bam sees the light on Ebola Czar

President Obama has suggested for the first time he is open to appointing a single person to oversee the federal response to Ebola, bowing to numerous demands from Capitol Hill and elsewhere. [Source]

Ebolunacy: Dallas hospital's cutting edge Ebola machine sits unused

The military is using an Ebola screening machine that could have diagnosed the Ebola cases in Texas far faster, but government guidelines prevent hospitals from using it to actually screen for Ebola. [Source]

Cartoon: Aftermath

Ebola: What must happen NOW

"We have a legitimate crisis of confidence on our hands," writes Sean Hannity, with an emerging healthcare emergency and an incompetent government response.  Here are three things that should happen immediately when it comes to this Ebola crisis:
"1. CDC Director Tom Frieden should resign immediately
2. We should implement a commercial travel ban from these West African countries immediately
3. We need to secure the borders immediately
And if I had to add a fourth thing, it would be for these government officials at the CDC and the Obama administration to be honest with us.  Quit with the government happy-talk and be realistic about your capabilities and your expectations...."

Headline of the Day


10/15/14

Obungling continues: CDC cleared fever nurse before Dallas flight

Not only did nurse Vinson call the CDC multiple times before boarding her Dallas flight, she was already running a fever and they still allowed her to board the flight, which means she was infectious while on the plane. Here is what Dr. Jon LaPook told Scott Pelley on CBS Evening News:
One health official said to me somebody dropped the ball. I then called the CDC and the agency said that this nurse, nurse Vinson, did in fact call the CDC several times before taking that flight and said she has a temperature, a fever of 99.5.
But the person at the CDC looked at a chart and because her fever wasn’t 100.4 or higher, she didn’t officially fall into the group of high risk. Now I think what’s disconcerting to people is that you would think common sense would tell you, well, after the first nurse, Nurse Pham became sick with Ebola, you would have thought, well, out of an abundance of caution let’s just keep her there and not have her get on the flight.
Read more: 

Obama deceit will bring Ebola panic

Laughing Conservative predicted two weeks ago that this lying, incompetent  Administration had already squandered  too much of its credibility on petty deceitfulness, to be able to stem panic on a major issue like Ebola. And so it is turning out to be. 

We're doomed... DOOMED, I tell ya....

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—The president of CNN Worldwide attempted on Wednesday to defuse the brewing controversy over his decision to change the network’s official slogan from “The Most Trusted Name in News” to “Holy Crap, We’re All Gonna Die.”

Barack Obama's Diary: Librarians

Dear Diary: I don't know why Librarians founded a country of their own. But, being somewhat educated, they should be able to figure a way outta this Ebola problem. If it's too dangerous to travel by Librarian public transport, why can't they just call for a limo, like I do? But enough about me.

10/13/14

Barack Obama's Diary: Debating Ebola

Dear Diary: I met today with national security and health care advisors to discuss the Ebola situation. At the gathering were National Security Advisor Susan Rice, HHS Secretary Sylvia Burwell, White House Homeland Security Advisor Lisa Monaco, and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Director Tom Frieden, who  insisted on participating  only by telephone, despite my assurances that he was no less likely to  get Ebola near me  than on a Librarian bus." My point exactly," said he.

Looney Libs make 5-year-old sign gun violence contract

The Academy of Dung Beetles has rolled the  Dung Beetles' Award towards  officials of the Mobile County Public school who made a 5-year-old sign a contract that she wouldn't kill herself, or others. The girl's mother said: “They told me she drew something that resembled a gun. According to them she pointed a crayon at another student and said ‘pew pew'.

Cartoon: Michael Ramirez

[Investors Business Daily]

A President walks into a bank...

Mitt Romney told this joke in Iowa:  President Obama went to the bank to cash a check and he didn't have his ID. And the teller said you've got to prove who you are.
Obama said, "How should I do that?" She said the other day Phil Mickelson came in, he didn't have his ID but he set up a little cup on the ground, took a golf ball, putted it right into that cup so they knew it was Phil Mickelson. They cashed his check.
And then Andre Agassi came in. And Andre Agassi didn't have his ID either. He put a little target on the wall, took a tennis ball and racquet– hit it onto that target fine knew that was Andre Agassi so we cashed his check.
And she said to him, "Is there anything you can do to prove who you are?" And [Obama] said, "I don't have a clue."
And she said, "Well, Mr. President, do you want your money in small bills or large bills."

Cartoon: Stilton Jarlsberg


10/12/14

ISIS: Bam Lets slip the dogs of war


Dim Crims: Pants trip fleeing fugitive

It all began just after 12:35 a.m. when a cop was asked to check out a report of a man who was exposing himself for "sexual gratification" while watching a woman, the Portland Police Bureau reported.
A man, identified as Joey D. Vandervort, 19, of North Portland, attempted to punch the officer in the face. The officer dodged the blow to the face, but the punch hit the officer's lapel microphone.
Vandervort tried running away, fell because his pants were down, police said.
Vandervort flipped on his back and assumed what police said was a "ground-fighting stance" – what those MMA fighters do when they've been knocked down.
Instead of staying down, police said, he tried taking off again.
But, once again, he tripped over his pants.
By then, other officers had arrived and arrested Vandervort after a struggle in which an officer sustained a minor injury to his hand.
Vandervort, who claimed to be under the influence of a stimulant, was transported to an area hospital to be treated. He was then taken to the Multnomah County Jail and charged with assaulting a police officer, second-degree disorderly conduct, indecent exposure, public indecency, interfering with a police officer and resisting arrest. [BJS]

Progress Notes for Patient: 540463 Obama, Barack, H.

10/12/14:  To me, Patient has always been an enigma wrapped in a mystery concealed within a  malignant personality disorder. But his recent behavior has made me wonder if he might even be a victim of enterovirus D68. He seems to have become completely paralyzed. He is like a deer in the headlights, regarding ISIS, Ebola and even EV_D68 itself. I administered a mild sedative today which got him to the golf course at Fort Belvoir. But he still seems totally unable to make executive decisions. God help us all. Dictated by S.H.Rink M.D.

Cartoon: Gary McCoy

[Cagle Cartoons]

Barack Obama's Diary: 200 blissful rounds

Dear Diary: 200 rounds today! How's that for a presidential record? Valerie Jarrett, who  is always thinking of the optics -- or, rather, is focused on the optics [my wit is wonderful, is it not?] suggested a photo-op of me before I left for the links at Fort Belvoir, talking with  my HHS  Secretary Sylvia Burwell about the new case of Ebola in Dallas. In fact, I was talking with Vladimir Putin who was offering to send me How to Organize a Party in a Brewery and other Organizational Challenges For Dummies, to help me deal with Ebola. "You  need it badly, Obamavitch," he said. "Thank you, Susan," I replied cunningly, purely for Media consumption

10/11/14

Bam blunders onward

ISIS is hell-raising near Baghdad.  Meanwhile, back in the USA, Bam blunders blindly onward, fundraising in California.

Ebola hot zone doctor ignored as Obamalunacy continues

Thanks, Obama: After days of warning, under your ' leadership,' the US is still hopelessly unprepared for  Ebola. A doctor from the hot zone has just been  admitted without a single query from Immigration. [Source]

Farage march continues

For months, Laughing Conservative has been predicting great things for Nigel Farage and his anti-EU, anti-bureaucrat UK Independence Party. We were correct. Here's yesterday's London Evening Standard [a former employer of LC] on the result of an interim election.

10/10/14

Ebolunacy unabated

 Speaking in a video message to residents of West African countries currently experiencing outbreaks of Ebola, President Barack Obama dispensed advice on how residents can avoid the disease, including:"You cannot get it through casual contact like sitting next to someone on a bus."
At the same time, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is advising Americans who travel to the Ebola-stricken nations to "avoid public transportation."

How capitalism could crush terrorism

"As the U.S. moves into a new theater of the war on terror, it will miss its best chance to beat back Islamic State and other radical groups in the Middle East if it doesn’t deploy a crucial but little-used weapon: an aggressive agenda for economic empowerment. Right now, all we hear about are airstrikes and military maneuvers—which is to be expected when facing down thugs bent on mayhem and destruction," writes Hernando de Soto in The Wall Street Journal. "But if the goal is not only to degrade what President Barack Obama rightly calls Islamic State’s “network of death” but to make it impossible for radical leaders to recruit terrorists in the first place, the West must learn a simple lesson: Economic hope is the only way to win the battle for the constituencies on which terrorist groups feed. [Source]  [BSJ]

Dim Crims: Man claims to be sleeping burglar

There are all kinds of innocent reasons why a guy might find himself on the rooftop of a convenience store at 3am, Joshue Holoman tried to explain to suspicious police officers earlier this week. The tar-covered Florida man, who had allegedly pried open the Sunoco's air-conditioning shaft, at first said he was trying to visit family members, although there were no members of the Holoman clan to be found on the roof of the Daytona Beach store, reports The Daytona Beach News-Journal.
Cops say the 30-year-old then claimed that he was an air-conditioning repairman who had heard the units making noise and gone up to fix them. Finally, he tried to persuade officers that he was just sleeping on the roof and had smeared tar on himself so he wouldn't be seen. Police weren't buying any of those excuses: Holoman was arrested and charged with attempted burglary, possession of burglary tools, and criminal mischief, reports KFOR.  [BJS]

10/9/14

Obola racist, say Liberals

Basically, if you are a conservative that means you are a racist according to liberals.
Check it out:
Liberal journalists are now claiming that Americans who use the term #Obola are racist and xenophobic, continuing the trend whereby any criticism of President Obama is hastily characterized as a racial slur.
In an article for the Verge entitled Ebola panic is getting pretty racist, feminist journalist Arielle Duhaime-Ross blames Dinesh D’Souza and Michael Savage for popularizing the hashtag #Obola as a “racist xenophobic….banner to rally around,” despite the fact that the meme patently represents a witty encapsulation of what many see as the federal government’s botched response to the Ebola outbreak and the failure to block flights from West Africa in the name of political correctness.
Beware Libs, we're in Conservatibe country here. "Obola" to you
 [Source]

Barack Obama's Diary:

Dear Diary: It is an increasingly difficult job to appear modest. My policies everywhere are such an enormous success:  Isis halted. Ebola tamed: I am a genius. No question of this. I am a better doctor than my doctors. But enough about me.

Leno to host automobile show

Jay Leno is lining up his first regular television hosting gig since leaving The Tonight Show in February. He is close to a deal to host a new show for cable network CNBC, sources tell The Hollywood Reporter. The show will focus on Leno's longtime love of cars and will air in primetime.

10/6/14

Obias? Surely not...

Pro-Obama bias in the mainstream media? Surely not, says our Alaska contributor, TG :
ABC News executive producer Ian Cameron is married to Susan Rice, National Security Adviser. 
CBS President David Rhodes is the brother of Ben Rhodes, Obama’s Deputy National Security  Adviser for Strategic Communications.  
ABC News correspondent Claire Shipman is married to former White house Press Secretary Jay Carney. 
ABC News and Univision reporter Matthew Jaffe is married to Katie Hogan, Obama’s Deputy Press Secretary 
ABC President Ben Sherwood is the brother of Obama’s Special Adviser Elizabeth Sherwood 
CNN President Virginia Moseley is married to former Hillary Clinton Deputy Secretary Tom Nides. 

Teaching Math through the decades

Our guy in Alaska, TG, sends this:
1. Teaching Math In 1950s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production
is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
 2. Teaching Math In 1970s
 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production
is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
 3. Teaching Math In 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production
is $80. Did he make a profit ? Yes or No
 4. Teaching Math In 1990s
 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production
is $80 and his profit is $20 Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
 5. Teaching Math In 2000s
 A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and
inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of
$20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for
class participation after answering the question: How did the birds
and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no
wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok).


6. Teaching Math In 2014

Un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100.
El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
-- 

10/4/14

Obamatoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]

Obama's Ebolunacy continues

The most politically correct, "progressive" countries on Earth have banned travel from Liberia and other Ebola-plagued countries for the simple reasons of sanity and safety. It's a called a quarantine, a state of isolation used by humankind to secure safety from communicable diseases since the beginning of recorded history. But history, logic, facts and reason find no home in this administration. State Department spokesperson Jen Psaki insists that "screenings in West African airports and observation of passengers in the United States, will be sufficient to prevent the 'wide spread' of the virus." [Source]

Cartoon:Stilton Jarlsberg


10/3/14

Cartoon: Mike Keefe

[Cagle Cartoons]

Ebolunacy: Bam won't block travel from Ebola countries

The calls are growing louder for the Obama administration to ban travel from countries dealing with Ebola outbreaks. But, throwing caution to the wind, the White House refuses to even entertain this common-sense first step to protect the United States from experiencing an outbreak of its own.
“There are protocols in place where those individuals who are leaving West Africa and traveling to the West are screened,” White House Spokesman Josh Earnest said. “We’ve also provided guidance to pilots, flight attendants and others who… are sort of responsible for staffing our transportation infrastructure, we’ve given them guidance for monitoring the health and well-being of travelers, to ensure that if they notice individuals who are exhibiting symptoms that seem to be consistent with Ebola, that the proper authorities are notified.” [Source]

Cartoon: Nate Beeler

[The Columbus Dispatch]

10/2/14

Ebola peril as workers power-spray victim's vomit

A news chopper captured this shot of workers using a pressure washer to dislodge vomit left behind by Dallas Ebola carrier Thomas Eric Duncan. This is the sort of horrific incompetence  that his indecision will breed, with Obama at the nation's helm.

Incompetent Bam is no joke


Eboli: no need to panicki, guys

Dear Diary: What a lot of fuss about nothing. People are now complaining that I'm not shutting down flights from Ebola-ridden countries like Liberia and Sierra Leone. These are the same people who insist that Eboli is spelled  Ebola. Give me a break, racists.  Barry knows whereof he speaks. Eboli is simply the plural of Ebola....geddit? But enough about me.

College invites convicted cop-killer

A small Vermont college has chosen as commencement speaker, Mumia Abu-Jamal, who was convicted of killing a Philadelphia cop in 1981. Officer Daniel Faulkner's widow calls the move "despicable," Fox News reports: "It seems like our justice system allows murderers to continue to have a voice over the public airwaves and at college commencement." Abu-Jamal, a graduate of the college, has given commencement speeches in the past, prompting protests. The speech will be prerecorded. [Source]

Presidency falling apart, says Krauthammer

There “is a sense in the country,” conservative columnist Charles Krauthammer says, “that we have a presidency that is falling apart.”
Krauthammer says the world is in utter disarray because the leader of the free world made it that way.
“Abroad, in the vacuum that we created by Obama’s retreat, more aggressive, more wicked, in fact some of the worst people on earth have filled it in Libya, in Syria, in Iraq. Putin’s on the march in eastern Europe. Everybody senses America is not there. Our allies are very worried about the kind of support they’re going to get. That’s a consequence of Obama’s policy.”
Krauthammer also acknowledges that America is being crushed under the weight of Obama’s bad decisions.
And at home? “Domestically, the great idea of expansion of government and new entitlements and all this — this is a crisis of competence. The IRS, the VA, the Secret Service . . . all of these agencies that we had trust in, under this administration are showing how badly government is run.”
“You combine them,” Krauthammer said, “and you get a sense that things are out of control.” Sadly, there are 842 days until the next presidential inauguration.  [Read more]

10/1/14

Obama's loss of public trust will breed panic on Ebola

Thought for Today: What hope does a proven dishonest and incompetent administration have  of persuading the US public that it has the Ebola under control?

Parents thrown off bus over snorting song

A couple in Britain were thrown off a bus and branded racists after singing the Peppa Pig theme tune to their autistic daughter.  Nick Barnfield and Sarah Cleaves were travelling with their daughter Heidi on a bus from Sheffield to Doncaster when the 15-month-old started crying. The couple, started singing the song in an effort to cheer their daughter up, but say they were branded racists by another passenger and told to get off the bus by its driver. The couple claimed the woman, who they say was wearing a hijab, took offence to the snorting sounds in the song. Source.  [ECS]

Cartoon: Eric Allie

[Cagle Cartoons]

More Kerry deception over IS

"State Department spokeswoman Jen Psaki keeps trying to say it’s not al Qaeda core that we’re fighting in Syria, even though other members of the administration, including her boss John Kerry, are suggesting it is," writes Keith Koffler at White House Dossier.
The problem, of course, is that if al Qaeda core still exists, then it belies one of the key claims President Obama used to justify his reelection, which was that “the base” had been decimated and we were just dealing with a bunch of al Qaeda stragglers.
But the bad guys we just bombed in Syria seem to be the relocated version of al Qaeda 1.0, not some freelancing offshoot.
One of Obama’s other Big Claims during the campaign, peace in Iraq, has already been debunked. He’d better hope GM remains solvent or Mitt Romney is going to petition the FEC to reverse the election results due to fraud..." [Source]