MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – In a new poll of likely GOP voters, 28% think Herman Cain had an extramarital affair, 28% do not think he had an affair, and 44% are having an affair with Herman Cain right now. Of the voters currently having sex with Mr. Cain, 52% called the relationship “special,” 38% called it “inappropriate,” and 10% agreed with the statement “I know I am Herman’s soul mate and someday we’ll be together.”
