Barack Obama's Diary

Dear Diary: April Fools Day was even worse than I expected. Yes, Hillary made the mandatory 3 am. phone call, with Bill guffawing in the background. After breakfast Mitt Romney called to ask if he could  visit the Oval Office and measure  for drapes. Har, har.  Vladimir Putin  called to say they had downed one of our drones over Azerbaijan.  I wanted to say: " Let me be perfectly clear, Vlad: Go impale yourself." But I had second thoughts, thank goodness. Scary man.  Marvin my body guy got into the act at breakfast  by crawling under the table while I was eating my  corn flakes and tying the laces  of both  my shoes together.  He then had a Secret Service agent run into the room yelling: "Gun!" I jumped up and promptly  fell over and the two guys rolled on the floor weeping with laughter. I can't get no respect.  Well, it's late now. Marv has laid out my jammies and removed the daggone frog that Sarkozy paid him to leave on my pillow last night. M. and the girls are still on the West Coast. So it's time to shut my laptop, say  my prayers to myself, cuddle up with up Boo-boo, my blankie. And so to bed.