Dear Diary: I had Memorial Day duties this morning and praised the courage of our troops. I know all about courage. Hemingway defined it as 'grace under pressure.' I learned 'grace under pressure' while smoking weed with the Choom Gang. You need it when your minivan is full of comrades smoking joints and you suddenly see blue lights flashing behind you. That's when the 'grace under pressure' comes in: Don't slow down immediately. Open all the windows, tell everyone to flick their joints out and then let the wind clear the air. Spray with Febreze and only then pull over. Stay calm as the cop walks up. Look innocent and say politely: "Aloha, Ossifer can I help you? Me? Slurring my words? No, Ossifer. I'll drive carefully now, thank you, Ossifer." That's grace under pressure. And I have it in abundance. Sometimes, I defy Michelle and have an extra scoop of Academia Nut. Sometimes I even disagree with Hillary. Landing on a beach under machine-gun fire? Piece of cake.' Yikes! What was that clicking noise? Oh, it's just Michelle turning on her bedside light. Time to say a prayer to myself and go to bed and cuddle Boo-boo my blankey ....um-num-num-um. Brave Boo-boo scares away nasty monsters under brave Barry's bed. Um-num-um...zzzzzz...
