6/18/12

Barack Obama's Diary: Eye to Eye with Putin

Dear Diary: Here I am at Los Cabos,  Mexico, for the G20 summit. This morning after a courtesy  meeting with Mexican President Calderon, came the  really meaty business of the day: a  long session with Vlad the Impaler. I had been  suckered  into  the excruciating  Putin 'crusher' handshake  before, so I bumped fists, which  Vlad liked because he thinks he's cool. As if.  Then we sat down with our interpreters and he launched into a joke about 'live' microphones. Hardy, har, har. He  glared at me and we  engaged in  the usual game of chicken over who would look  away first.  " Vladimir," I said slowly and menacingly,"why are you moving  your Black Sea Fleet to Syria? His battleship-grey eyes bored into mine.  "What  business is that of yours, Obaba?" he asked. I looked  down, expecting to see  a poisoned knife blade protruding from his shoe. [I've seen "From Russia with Love" and those Ruskies can't fool me.] As I look down I realize I have broken eye contact. I look up to see him smiling in that superior manner of his. Obaba? The impertinence of the man! "Boo!" he shouted -- without warning-- and I  jumped right out of my chair.
"Call yourself a President?"  he scoffed. "You're just  an elitist  wuss."
Wuss? You could have knocked me over with a feather: How dare he mock Me, a  shining intellect that illuminates the World. Tomorrow I will terrify him by saying  that he has made me really, really annoyed.  It's sleepy time and  Boo-boo  my  blankey awaits. Barry luv Boo-boo and you'll  never frighten  Barry, will  you Boo-boo?..um-num-num-um...zzzzzz...