Dear Diary: I spent hours on the phone today thanking all world leaders who had phoned to congratulate and generally suck up to me. Let me be clear on this: I am nothing if not gracious in victory, even to Bibi Netanyahu who sounded like he was chewing bullets. Meantime, Holder and Hillary have been hinting publicly that they won't be serving a second term. Who can blame them, after being outshone by the light of my genius for four years? Their absence might afford me the opportunity of sending Biden to State and finding another VP [Note to self: ask Jarrett to look into ways of achieving this.]
