Barack Obama's Diary: The buck schtups here

Dear Diary: Aaugh! My top generals seem to be behaving like rutting buck. No sooner is General Petraeus accused of rogering his biographer, Paula Broadwell, than Marine General  John Allen has come under investigation  for  apparently sending vast quantities of emails to Petraeus family friend, Jill Kelley. Let me be perfectly clear  how errr...awkward all of this is, distracting attention from the glory of  my electoral triumph. I have never been an unqualified fan of the military so it seems that my judgement here, as in all things, was impeccable.