Dear Diary: Let me be clear: I am beginning this new volume of my dictated diary to mark the start of my second term: Dudes, I did it! As I expected the uh...nation could not resist my uh... combination of charm, intellect and transparency. With the election out of the way, I was able to phone Vladimir today and offer to assume whatever flexible position he requires. Michelle already has her staff compiling a list of vacation destinations fit for a queen. I have told Biden to take an immediate vacation. Fatigue is the only rational explanation for his recent uh...gaffes.