Barack Obama's Diary: State of the Union

 Dear Diary: Today I am preparing my always-compelling  State of the Union address for tomorrow. Axelrod, Jarrett, Biden and I have been brainstorming ways to explain away continued unemployment and a contracting economy. These outcomes are all in direct conflict with what I was taught by my Marxist mentors: stimulate, take from the producers, give to the masses, disarm the middle classes, eliminate some dissidents and all will be well.  Biden suggested I tell Congress that we have achieved remarkable results in the face of Hurricane Sandy, snowstorm  Nemo, the rogue LAPD gumman, the grounding of the Dreamliner and people dropping F-Bombs at the Grammys. "Confuse Congress with the multitudinous obstacles we've overcome, and smile, smile, smile," sang Joe, who knows how to work a room. "And," he added,  "pad it with a few...errs...and significant silences and you're done."
"Dude, I want to promise progress on... err... reducing  the unemployed, " I said. "Easy," said Joe. "Don't call them 'the unemployed,'  call them 'job-seekers'...which suggests that there are jobs to seek."  Joe was on a roll:  "Also, call unemployment  benefit 'job-seekers allowance." I gotta hand it to Joe. He may be slow on the uptake but he's surprisingly creative when we're  backed against a wall.