Dear Diary: Today is T-Day! After a day of coaching from Tiger Woods' coach Butch Harmon [who I was, in reality, learning from watching me] I got to play with Tiger himself. I saw him watching open-mouthed as I teed-off, no doubt hoping to glean a last-minute insight from my masterful swing. "Thwack!" My ball curved left and hit a tree, "Just what I wanted" I said breezily, pointing to the slogan on my LeftieLoosey polo shirt. Tiger smacked one straight down the fairway. "Equal rights for all, straight or gay," I quipped. Tiger smiled uncertainly as we boarded the golf cart dubbed 'Golf Course One' in honor of me and which was piloted by our host Jim Crane, owner of TheFloridian golf and yacht club. Media hacks have been unable to access the grounds all day. I have no doubt they have had some drones circling over us, but there's little to be gleaned from overhead surveillance unless you want to kill somebody.