Barack Obama's Diary: Habemus papem

Dear Diary:  Habemus Papem! I  We have a pope [for those without the privilege of my extraordinary education] I watched the chimney for a while and when it belched  smoke I  had the irresistible vision of the whole conclave puffing on  choom. I have sent warm wishes to the new Pope from Michelle and I, which I am sure he will be delighted with.  However, this guy is on the record as being against gay marriage and abortion.  How awkward is that, dudes. But I am optimistic that with time, he withe will change his view. Even I was against gay marriage until I was for it. But enough about me.