Barack Obama's Diary: A Walrus Line

Dear Diary: I must cut back on the Maui Wowie. My shrink has told me to and this morning I had a call from Putin in Vladivostok saying that he was playing with a chorus. I said: "I didn't know you were a singer, Vlad. "  He replied: "I'm  in an oceanarium playing with a walrus. What the hell have you been smoking, Obamavitch?"
"What d-do you m-mean," I stuttered.
" You know perfectly well what I mean, Obamavitch --that stuff you inhale on the South Lawn when you need a second opinion."
"Valerie Jarrett gives me my second opinions" I said.
"Those are your first opinions, O-vitch."
O-vtich? Is there no depth to which this walrus-bothering freak will not stoop?
But enough about me.