Dear Diary: I have become extremely pissed off with the American public who have given my signature achievement, Obamacare, a less-than-ecstatic welcome. Duh, what do people expect but nasty consequences when they diss the most awesome expansion of big Government this nation has ever seen. Meantime, what they haven't noticed is my cunning: the shutdown has left me unscathed. I still have the White House chefs, Camp David, and a military golf course. As luck would have it, the government shutdown arrived at the perfect time and I am using the opportunity to become The Punisher, scourge of all who dare disapprove of Me in opinion polls. I have shut war memorials from D.C. to Normandy, I have tasked National Park Rangers with making life as difficult as possible for the public. Some citizens are complaining that I am being vengeful, petty, even spiteful. Good. That shows that my methods are working.