Dear Diary: I had barely finished my last delicious mouthful of FrootLoops when my iPresidentophone began blaring the Moscow Steel Foundry Male Voice Choir's rendition of Keep the Red Flag Flying. I lifted my phone from the way- cool holster on my belt and said:"Good Morning Vlad," for it was he. "Obamavitch," he exclaimed, "I am going to annihilate every last one of these terrorists who have been killing people in Volgograd during the run-up to the Sochi Winter Olympics. Those damned Chechens only understand the language of violence, so violence they shall receive. Obamavitch, I would like to ask for your restraint in reacting to any extreme measures I may take." He continued: "I shall, of course, reciprocate with like restraint when you are faced with a similar predicament when rounding up the rebels who refuse to sign up for ObamaCare." I agreed, though that will give him a lot of latitude-- No fate will be too ugly for those who defy my decree. But enough about me.