Barack Obama's Diary: Putin calling

Dear Diary:  I fear that the Count Chocula cereal that I used to replace my morning Froot Loops, was making me a trifle reckless. I asked the kitchen to come up with something else. They did. And that is how I came to be eating Lucky Charms this fine Friday, when my specially engraved  iPresidentophone  burst into the masculine harmonies of the Moscow Steel Foundry Choir. "Hello, Vlad," I said, for it was he.
"Good morning,  Obamavich.  I looked up the word "piss" in my English-Russian  dictionary and I was not amused by what I found. I was going to leave a phone message saying 'Piss off to you, too' but I decided that something more physical was required. Hence the cruise missile test NATO detected  yesterday.  I spoke: "I apologize for  my disrespect Count Putin, Sir, and I will not repeat it."
"Good,  Obamavich, any more disrespect and I will take you behind the woodshed at  the next major summit meeting.  Das vidanya, Obama."   Scary man. But enough about me.