Barack Obama's Diary: The World according to Me

Dear Diary: I normally try to avoid overwork. But today was a doozy. Up at first light and on to Marine One then AirForce One. A breakfast of two eggs over-easy with wholewheat toast and then some Zzzzzzzzs on the flight to Toluca, Mexico, where I was to meet with President Nieto  and Prime Minister Harper of Canada. I couldn't take my accustomed lunchtime nap as we three leaders  had a working lunch at Cosmovitral Botanical Gardens, followed by a walk and talk with Prime Minister Harper of Canada in which I gave him the benefit of my all-encompassing world view. We then all met again at the Palace of Justice and I included Nieto, the newbie, in  continuing to explain how they should both interpret current events. I wasn't able to depart Mexico until 8.50, when I planned to grab some more Zzzzzs before reaching the White House at 2.05 am. Alas, barely had my grizzled but proud presidential head touched the crisp  pillows of my airborne bedroom, when my iPresidentophone  sounded The Dance of The Sugar Plum Fairy."Hello Vlad. " I said, for it was he."Obamavich!" He declared angrily. "Keep the hell out of Ukraine!" "Yes, Sir, Mr Putin, Sir," I said. "What's up in Ukraine?"
"You have an unfortunate sense of humor, Obamavich. Kiev is ablaze."
"Kiev?" I ventured delicately. "Oh, piss off Obamavich," he replied.  "Enough already with your all-encompassing ignorance of  things foreign. Just go to sleep and get your orders from Ms Jarrett in the morning. Dos Vedonya, tovarich." And-- just like that-- he was gone.