Progress Notes for Patient 540463, OBAMA, Barack, H.

2/21/14: Patient has been running through the halls of the White House, gibbering with panic. Valerie Jarrett called me in to calm him down. "What is troubling you, Majesty? I asked him, knowing how a royal form of address instantly soothes and reassures him. "It's Poo-poo Pootin" said Patient. " I think he may be invading Ukraine." Patient continued: "This is  going to involve making decisions, Doctor, you know how I loathe making decisions."
"Pootin is convinced that the CIA organized the Ukrainian rebellion, whereas we know that the CIA couldn't organize a  drive-by shooting in a Chicago Park." And Patient is also furious with his wife for appearing on Jimmy Fallon's  adolescent Tonight Show before  Patient had the chance to do so. Personally, I think the moron  has  paranoia from smoking excessive amounts of Vladivostok Velvet  shipped to him by the cunning Putin  in the Russian diplomatic pouch, along with a revised edition of Diplomacy for Dummies by Silvio  Berlusconi and a can of Beluga caviar--Dictated by S.H.Rink, M.D.