Dear Diary: Those damned Russians are mocking me again. Putin is humiliating me by calling my retaliatory measures against him 'a joke' and he called me a "prankster." How very dare he. Dr Rink recommended yesterday that I revive some of the old coping mechanisms which I abandoned when Reggie Love left my employ. I was too embarrassed to tell my new trip director, Marv Nicholson, about Badgie, my comfort blanket. But Rink has spilled the beans to Marv who called Love and they quickly located Badgie and his twin Badgie 2 under my custom-made Presidentopedic bed and in a special compartment in my limo The Beast, stowed alongside the hand sanitizer I use to rid myself of pathogens acquired by touching the unwashed masses on my travels. Marv restored Badgie to his proper place under the Presidential pillow. Tonight, after Michelle had fallen asleep, I withdrew Badgie from his nest and rubbed his smoooooth satin edge against my cheek, popped two fingers into my mouth and num-num-zzz-zzzzz...
