Barack Obama's Diary: Vermin on the Lawn

Dear Diary: I could scarcely believe my eyes today when I saw a fox on  the outh lawn as I was spooning up my Michelle-mandated breakfast of oatmeal porridge. My first thought was that Vladimir Putin had sent in an agent to release the fox. Just his  cunning style.  As if in answer to that thought ,my iPresidentophone burst into life with the Red Army Choir's rendition of  Song of the Volga Boatmen led by bass-baritone  singer Leonid Kharitinov.  "Vladimir Pootin," I said, for it was he,"You are trying too hard.  Or else Fox News is mounting a spectacular PR stunt." "Pootin," I said using my most steely and commanding voice.  "I have warned you about  taking liberties with my dignity, and now you've made me really, really cross.  I have instructed the Secret Service to dart the animal and take it to the National Zoo for interrogation." But enough about me.