Barack Obama's Diary: My day looking down on fly-over country

Dear Diary: This was a day spent flying to California for two fundraisers then back again to the White House. The moment after take-off from Andrews Air Force base,  I settled into my private cabin and withdrew  Badgie, my comfort blanket, from his nest beneath my pillows where he is placed by my trip director Marv Nicholson. Marv now keeps Badgie  in a small cotton  bag, I suspect because he does not want direct contact with Badgie's  slighty malodorous fabric. I curled up on the bed and ran Badgie's glorious satin edge against my soft and delicate cheeks. It was balm for the soul. Quickly I was transported to the land of Nod...
Hark! My iPresidentophone woke me with the sonorous baritones  of the Red Army choir singing the chorus from  Song of the Volga Boatmen.  Who but Putin,' the vulgar river boat man? "Obamavitch," quoth he, "Regarding Ukraine , don't get your knickers in a twist, as the British say, we have ceased  further incursions into that part of Russia. Enjoy your day in California." But enough about me.