Dear Cabby: [Advice for all]

Dear Cabby: My boss "Clueless" has just charged me with halting the spread of a deadly plague. Alas, I am totally out of my depth and completely inexperienced in such a role. Please Help!  ----Citizen Klain

Dear Citizen Klain: With someone like "Clueless" in charge, we are already doomed --DOOMED-- I tell ya. Fuggedaboud any "advice" from the White House and the CDC. They are all lying bastards. When in doubt, follow what the military do. They put their troops first. Meanwhile,  I suggest you put yourself into immediate voluntary quarantine, which will give you freedom to roam Nu Yawk by subway and taxi, but cut you off from "Clueless" so he can't complain about you being AWOL.  Keep away from Bellevue Hospital lest they make you live in a tent. Good Luck. You're gonna need it.---Cabby