Dear Diary: It is looking increasingly likely that I will have to storm out of the the G20 meeting in an orchestrated fury. David Cameron, the British Prime Minister, has made several impudent demands of me over Ukraine and even Angular Merkel of Germany has been pressuring me. Worse, my carefully-crafted prank against Obamavitch has been foiled. I had planned to invite him to bathe in the sea with me, so I could rip his swim shorts off and he would be stranded beyond the reach of his aide Marv Nicholson who normally intervenes with a towel. Now that would have been a photo-op. Alas, his Secret Service detail are hypersensitive after recent screw-ups and decided there were too many Aussie perils, like box jelly-fish, stone fish and sea-snakes for them to guarantee his safety, so he declined my invitation. Curses!
