Captain's Log 1/1/16: These are the voyages of Air Force One

1/1/16 : Our Mission: To boldly go where Nobama has Gone Before. Passenger-in-Chief has  requested that AF1 be flown to Joint Base Andrews, to take Valerie Jarrett to Hawaii for the purpose of supervising said Passenger-in-Chief who is behaving erratically after smoking a cannabis-derived substance named shatter. It will cost a few thousand bucks to stock the galley with food for ValJar and the crew, not to mention a small fortune in jet fuel supplied by the military.
No sooner  was ValJar aboard, than she stationed herself at  the main desk of the aerial Oval Office and began working the phones, starting with a call to Michelle Obama. This is a vast improvement on the behavior of our Passenger-in-Chief who usually  immediately invades the cockpit and causes untold chaos by issuing instructions like "rotate" in the middle of take-off. We have even considered having a dummy set of controls installed behind the captain's seat to keep the bird-brain amused.