Laughing Conservative

1/20/14

1/19/14

'Leave New York,' Cuomo tells conservatives

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo says pro-life, pro-Second Amendment, and anti-homosexual marriage advocates should leave the state. He calls such Americans “extreme conservatives.” If you live in New York and hold any of these views, this is what your governor thinks of you — “they have no place in the state of New York, because that’s not who New Yorkers are.”
None of this should surprise us since New York City just elected a Marxist mayor. Day by day, Anthony Weiner is looking like the better choice.
Well, it’s certainly what some of New Yorkers 'are' as well as millions of Americans across the United States.
Cuomo says he’s a practicing Catholic. He attends church with his live-in girlfriend, supports abortion on demand, and pushed for the legalization of homosexual marriage. Where is the priest of his parish? Where is the Bishop of his diocese? Read more

Stoner president endorses pot

Notorious stoner President Obama claims weed is no more dangerous than alcohol. In a lengthy article published in The New Yorker, the president is reported as downplaying marijuana-smoking as nothing more than a "bad habit." But following public opinion (leading from behind, as usual), the president said legalization of pot in Washington state and Colorado could even lead to legalization of cocaine and methamphetamine. "As has been well documented, I smoked pot as a kid, and I view it as a bad habit and a vice, not very different from the cigarettes that I smoked as a young person up through a big chunk of my adult life," Mr. Obama said. "I don’t think it is more dangerous than alcohol.” Laughing Conservative has been unable to confirm rumors that the president favors exotic and potent varietals of pot, like Blueberry Yum Yum and Mango Kush and keeps an emergency supply of Cheetos in a glass-fronted case in the Oval Office's infamous 'Clinton closet' and can smash it open quickly with a small ornamental hammer attached with a chain, if he gets an attack of the munchies.

The ugly side of Obamanomics

"If you want to get an idea of where the rest of America is heading, just take a trip through the western half of West Virginia and the eastern half of Kentucky some time," writes Michael Snyder."Once you leave the main highways, you will rapidly encounter poverty on a level that is absolutely staggering.
"Overall, about 15 percent of the entire nation is under the poverty line, but in some areas of eastern Kentucky, more than 40 percent of the population is living in poverty. Most of the people would work if they could. Over the past couple of decades, locals have witnessed businesses and industries leave the region at a steady pace.
"When another factory or business shuts down, many of the unemployed do not even realize that their jobs have been shipped overseas. Coal mining still produces jobs that pay a decent wage, but Barack Obama is doing his very best to kill off that entire industry.
"After decades of decline, vast stretches of impoverished Appalachia look like they have been through a war. Those living in the area know that things are not good, but they just try to do the best that they can with what they have." More.

Progress Notes for Patient 540463, OBAMA, Barack H.

01/19/14: Patient is not a decisive man even at the best of times. Today is not the best of times. He will be hosting French President Francois Hollande at a State Dinner on Feb 11. But Hollande still hasn't decided which woman will accompany him: his long-time companion Valerie Trierweiler or a film actress named Julie Gayet whom he has recently been wooing on the down-low. The consequences for my patient are formidable. Michelle still has him in a polar vortex after patient's flirtation with Norwegian PM Helle Thorning -Schmidt at Nelson Mandela's wake. Needless to say, Michelle is not going to be ecstatic if Hollande decides to use the state dinner to publicly two-time Madame Trierweiler. My Patient has found himself on the wrong side of Michelle's fury enough times to be extremely wary of the likely meltdown happening on a global stage. ---Dictated by S.H. Rink M.D

1/18/14

Europe blows cold on warming

The EU's reputation as a model of environmental responsibility may soon be history. The European Commission wants to forgo ambitious climate protection goals and pave the way for fracking -- jeopardizing Germany's touted energy revolution in the process.
The climate between Brussels and Berlin is polluted, something European Commission officials attribute, among other things, to the "reckless" way German Chancellor Angela Merkel blocked stricter exhaust emissions during her re-election campaign to placate domestic automotive manufacturers like Daimler and BMW. This kind of blatant self-interest, officials complained at the time, is poisoning the climate. But now it seems that the climate is no longer of much importance to the European Commission, either. Commission sources have long been hinting that the body intends to move away from ambitious climate protection goals. The Süddeutsche Zeitung has now reported as much. [Source]
[BLS]

Dim Crims: Wrong time, wrong place

Our Alaska Contributor, TG, sends this cautionary tale.

Dumb Slebs: Rodman enters rehab

Dennis Rodman has checked into an undisclosed alcohol rehabilitation center to treat his struggle with alcoholism, his agent says.
Darren Prince declined to say which facility will treat Rodman and how long he will be there. Rodman recently returned to the United States from his latest trip to North Korea. He has apologized for comments he made in North Korea about a detained American missionary, saying he had been drinking and was under pressure as he organized an exhibition game there. He also sang "Happy Birthday" to North Korean leader Kim Jong Un at the start of the friendly game

What Americans think of Joe Biden

1/17/14

Progress Notes for Patient 540463: OBAMA, Barack, H.

01/17/14: Patient has a long-sufferingly air about him...almost a whiff of martyrdom. "It's not that I resent allowing Michelle a moment to shine on her 50th birthday," he said during our Friday session."But dear Lord, Doctor, does she have to pose for the media hacks with her AARP card? I would have much preferred a photograph of the two of us with her looking at me with the boundless respect and affection she feels for me."
"Yes, Majesty" I said soothingly. and gave him a quick shot of Ativan before he got stuck on transmit. ---Dictated by S.H. Rink, M.D.

Dim Crims: Burglar foils his own crime

A man managed to pry the lock off the front door of The Shambles bar in Wicker Park, Chicago. But he failed to open the door ... because he was pulling it, despite the fact that there is a sticker on the door clearly marked "PUSH," DNAinfo reports. He gave up; the incident, which was caught on surveillance video, is under review. [Source] [BJS]

Dim Crims: Dumb as a stick

In Massachusetts, a delivery driver was delivering a food order when three men, one with a knife, approached him. They took the food and his keys, but when they got into his car ... "not one of them knew how to drive a stick-shift car," an aide to the police commissioner tells the Springfield Republican. They argued, then ran off; the incident is still under investigation. [Source] BJS

Dim Crims: You want highs with that?

A McDonald’s employee who recently served time in prison on a narcotics charge has been arrested for allegedly selling heroin from a branch of the fast food restaurant, police report. Theodore Levon Upshaw, 28, was busted after selling “20 stamp bags of heroin” to a confidential police informant, according to a criminal complaint. While this transaction took place in the eatery’s parking lot--after Upshaw took a break from work--the informant had “previously made multiple purchases of heroin,” from Upshaw inside the McDonald’s in Murrysville, Pennsylvania. [Source]