Dear Diary: April Fools begins at midnight. Lord, how I hate it. I think I've taken all possible precautions. I warned Joe not to call Vladimir Putin on the hotline saying a bunch of nukes are headed his way. Joe nearly started World War Three when he did that last year. Then I'll get a 3 a.m phone call from Hillary whooping and yelling "April Fooled yah!" George Bush will call at dawn and say: "Sorry, buddy, wrong number...blame me." Marv will have tied the legs of my jammie pants in knots and hidden Boo-Boo my blankie. Hardy har, har. Now a quick prayer to myself, find Boo-boo, close the laptop. And so to bed. Oh wait... is that a frog on my pillow from Sarkozy?