6/1/12

Hizzoner hails our Advice Columnist

Dear Cabby: I have proposed restricting  servings of  soda to 16ozs  in New York City. I am doing it  purely for everybody's health, yet some  seem angry and ungrateful. What shall I do? M.B., NY


Dear M.B. Dis is da  first time I've had had da  mayor in da Cab since Rudy Giuliani. Rudy, I could see in da rear-view mirror. You're too short for dat, but whatcha gonna do?  What were you askin'?
Banning 32oz sodas?  Whaddya thinkin' Mikey?  Whaddya think dis big boy is in my cupholder?   I fill it at da start of my shift, add lotsa ice, and it  lasts me for hours. Now you're tellin'  I can't do dat? Who da hell are you to tell a guy what he can or can't buy? Da size of my waist is none of your goddamn business. If you concentrated on gettin' da  traffic unjammed, instead  of sittin' in Gracie Mansion being a goddam food Nazi,  I  could get some exercise, and I wouldn't have to spend 12 hours a day sweatin' in dis goddam  cab.   Soon ya gonna be tellin' us folks what size slice of  pizza we can buy. Well, fuggedaboudit. You do dat and da workin' folk of New York will vote your  ass out of Gracie Mansion .  Here we are at Madison Square Park. And  here's anudder question:  whaddya doin' here promotin' National Donut Day, Mr Food Nazi ? Trying to look good to da NYPD? Da fare's on me, Mikey, it was wort it to just to say what I want . -- Cabby