Dear Diary: Yikes. And yikes again. My campaign [I constantly remind Axelrod and Plouffe they didn't build it, somebody else did] is being outplayed this week and, in spite of our best efforts, Mitt is a point ahead in the latest New York Times poll. We need more money, and quickly. Which is why I spent today fund-raising at four different venues in Florida. That daggone Putin kept calling me on my iPresidophone about Syria falling apart; so did Netanyahu, who is paranoid about WMDs on his border. Since I was busy fund-raising, I transferred them to a phone tree: "Press 2 to express displeasure," "Press 6 to express extreme indignation," "Press 8 to declare war." So far, no harm no foul. I've heard nothing from Leon Panetta about Israel mobilizing on their Syrian border and we're monitoring those Israelis by satellite so closely that an Israeli flea couldn't hop over without us seeing it. In the evening I thought I could persuade Vlad and Bibi to calm down by asking them to play Words With Friends with me, but it was no fun: the only words either of them would enter were, like, "incompetent," "idiot" "moron" or "asshat," selected to disrespect me and my exalted position as leader of the Free World . Time for bed now. My back-up blankey Boo-booTwo awaits me. Barry luv Boo-boo, um-num-num-um...zzzzz..