Dictated from the rear of The Beast en route to George Mason University, Fairfax, Virginia, for later transcription: Dear Diary: Two rallies today, one in Virginia, one in Ohio. I'm still bristling with outrage at the things some people are saying about my show-stopping performance in the Denver debate. If the audience had been allowed to applaud they would have raised the roof at my devastating responses. It was such an easy ride that I was even able to write a few paragraphs of that day's diary on the podium while Mittman was prattling. How cool was that? Today I have university audiences, who are much more appreciative of my talents, thank goodness. I am counting the days to when we'll finally escape the White House and able to move to our Oahu mansion, there to receive liberal pilgrims from all over the globe who will vie to kiss the hem of my tropical shirt.