Barack Obama's Diary: Wampum style

Dear Diary. I met with DC's Business Round Table this morning and delivered a light-hearted opening remark: "Folks, You didn't build that". Strangely, they didn't respond warmly to my humor. I told them they had an obligation, so to arrange their affairs, as to allow the IRS to put the largest possible shovel into their financial stores. [I saw irrefutable evidence in a book, many years ago, that millionaires habitually dive into pools of gold coins.] "Let me be perfectly clear", I told them. "After you have paid your fair share, you won't be able do that." Later I delivered remarks to a conference of native American tribes what, I believe, is called a "pow-wow". I was able to establish an immediate connection by with them by referring to John Boehner as "white man who speaks with forked tongue."
Elizabeth Warren, whom I discovered they affectionately nickname Fauxcahontas, had previously given me some wampum shells from her purse, so I could show these simple folk that, if they had many shells and were therefore "rich", they would have pay their fair share of shells to the IRS. As if in response, a vigorous inpromptu war dance began. When the foot stomping and ululating had died down, I held up a hand, palm forward. "How!" I said. "How about a peace pipe?" For some reason they began dancing and ululating again. One of my Secret Service detail yelled "tomahawk" and they hurriedly bundled me outta there, to the safety of The Beast. Volatile folk, those injuns native Americans.