Dear Diary: I am fully prepared for some memorable political theater Wednesday: Surrounded by innocent children I will announce my masterful strategy for gun control. Texans are already saying the Feds will have to pry guns from their cold, dead hands. Bring it on cowpokes, we got plenty of black helicopters. I've seen StorageWarsTexas and the men from the Great State o' Texas seem to be either part-time podiatrists or too obese to serve as more than massive speed bumps. Assuming that conservatives don't start foaming at the mouth at my issuing Executive Orders to bypass Congress, we should have it all wrapped with a big bow by the weekend, in time for Plugs Biden to yell in my ear : "Barry, this is a big freaking deal!"