Dear Diary: I have achieved the greatest triumph since I killed Bin Laden. Last night I saved America from the Fiscal Cliff. Under my personal direction, Joe Biden met with Mitch McConnell and, in line with my detailed instructions, Biden negotiated an agreement with McConnell that was approved by the Senate. As well as being the most revered leader in the world, I am truly a decisive and incomparable negotiator and remarkably modest.
