Dear Diary: i triumphed today. Under my direction the FBI, ATF agents and Massachusetts state police, captured the second suspect in the Boston bombings. "Take him alive, men---I mean persons"--- I instructed bravely from the White House situation room as Pete Souza, the White House photographer, recorded the moment for posterity. "Confuse him with a flash-bang," I added "and send in a Swat team to grab him while he's disoriented" On my direct instructions a flash bang was thrown at Souza and he was grabbed alive. Awesome tactics, if I can say so myself, and I do. What would these agencies do without my directions? But enough about me.