Barack Obama's Diary: Glory be to me

Dear Diary: I have been exceeding even my extraordinary leadership abilities. I directed the full resources of the federal government to be made available to help state and local authorities in the investigation and to increase security as needed.  Over the past week, close coordination among federal, state, and local officials — sharing information, moving swiftly to track down leads — has been critical to this effort.
 "Scan backyard boats with FLIR-equipped helicopters to see if you  can pick up a fugitive's heat signature," I instructed, "and when you find him, get him hospital, stat! I like the word stat which, for those who lack  my education, means  "immediately"  in the medical world. I like to use it with my aides. For example,  I might,  at bedtime, instruct Marv my trip director:  "Bring me my blankie, stat! " But enough about me.